Kitchen Accidents and How to Prevent Them

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BLOND SCENARIO

Come on now, you all know that you’ve done it one time or another. Kitchen accidents occur when your husband comes home and says that he loves you. What actually happens is that when the dish is almost done, you happen to be watching TV about how Paris Hilton got arrested for parking in a FIRE ZONE. You are so intrigued by your role model that your elbow hits the highest setting on the toaster and well, i guess you know what’s going to happen next.

NORMAL SCENARIO

Your husband just called you and said he is going to be early for dinner. That’s all great, but you just came home from two jobs and have been working 17 hours. To you, your husband just means more work. You resemble the people at nursing homes, mindless, sleepy, and you are starting to have your first wrinkles. You have set the house on fire before with a toaster and have done nothing to change your habits. Preventing these kind of kitchen accidents is relatively simple, all you have to do is be like the Chinese (alert, focused, and thinking about the love of your life: math). When your husband comes home, he notices that the dinner isn’t ready. He yells your name, but little does he know that you are behind him with a sharp butcher knife. Whoa whoa whoa, wrong tape sorry. Here’s the right one: When your husband comes home, the dinner is ready and he sits down and you slap him across the face.

*If you happen to be a blond and find this article about kitchen accidents too hard to read, you are doing fine, just register at Harvard University, pay them some money to let you in, and dance in the classrooms*

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