Funny Hospital Signs

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After visiting family in the hospital recently I noticed that while hospitals try to come across as sterile and serious, often they are very strange places.  As hard as they try, with so many people posting signs everywhere, sooner or later someone is going to post something that makes you laugh or just does not make any sense at all.  Here are some of those odder hospital signs.


Needless to say, I would not go into this treatment room.  It is definitely not reassuring.  Okay, I admit, this is from an abandoned hospital but I am not convinced that it was ever reassuring.


This just makes me laugh and want to run away.  Beware of any nurse that tells you “Yes, an enema would be just the thing”.  This ad looks so normal and then you read the text and go “what the heck?” Thankfully, I have never thought or been told this.  I am guessing that there are actually very few cases where it would be the right thing.  Hospital tested or not she totally freaks me out.


I think that I have been to this office before.  I hope that the “patient bill of rights” is hidden behind the sign, but I like the tissue box in front of the sign.  The tissue box infers to me either “you have no rights” or “cry me a river”.  Either way, it makes me laugh.

It reminds me of a sign I saw at our hospital.  In big letters it asked for patient feedback on your doctor because they care about improving service.  Then in small letters, it said “for patients of Dr. Angus only”.  I guess the other doctors didn’t care about what their patients thought!


Great, a phlegm-free area!  What a relief.  I am sure that the “No Germs” sign stops germs in their tracks.  After I leave this area am I not supposed to use a tissue any more?  For the record, anywhere near me is a phlegm-free zone.  All germs within 10 feet will be fined.


This one just keeps making me scratch my head in wonder.  You just sort of blink and read it again just to be sure.  I guess fish can get physiotherapy , but whales can not.


This is a great example of a perfectly instructive sign that is just amazingly badly thought out.  I am surprised that no one has put quotes around the “Use rear entrance” part.  Admit it, this makes the immature teenager in all of us just laugh.  On the plus side, I suppose that it would cut down on unwanted pregnancy .


I must admit that I have had several family members in the hospital recently where you definitely got the idea that you were never going to get out.  Sort of a Hotel California “you can check out any time you like but you can never leave” feeling.  Every day we got “hopefully you can go home later today” and then we would eventually realize that it was not going to happen today.  After a while I wondered if we should just make a run for it!


I love the “You are sick!” comment written on this sign.  It takes a really boring and straight forward sign and makes it pretty amusing.  See now I took my daughter to the hospital for these exact symptoms , but until I saw the sign I was not sure if she was sick or not.  Sometimes being blunt clarifies everything (and makes me laugh).


Many people do believe that there is some form of spiritual care up there somewhere, but most of us are not quite ready to go all that way for it.  It seems someone took things a little literally.


I hope this is not their fall prevention protocol.  It seems a bit lacking.  Actually I think that it looks more like a falling protocol to me.  Just another of those signs that make you want to go to the people who authorized them and ask what the heck they thought that it would accomplish.


I realize that it is really nice to have a hospital quiet, but this one looks like someone went a little overboard.  All it needs is a gun tower.  I am not quite sure what noises are classified as necessary or unnecessary, but apparently the local council is quite concerned about them!


Ahh, yes those great foreign foods.  It scares me that in some places Coke may actually count as a food from a foreign land.


This seems to be some false advertising .  It is pretty rare that you see a Pepsi machine behind a sign reading “Nutrition”.  Somewhere, I am sure there are nutritionists shuddering and crying into their lettuce leafs as they read this.


Just when you though that labeling Pepsi as “Nutrition” was bad, this one is worse.  While I admit that I have not checked the nutritional facts for hand cleaner, but I am willing to bet that the material safety data sheet for it says that you are not supposed to actually eat it.  On the other hand, some of the hospital food that I have seen looked about as edible.


These signs are from the same doors.  Just another case of split personalities on the part of whoever makes these signs.  You really want to ask them what they were thinking.  Not only that, locked fire doors seems about as useful as not having doors there at all.


This is just a little inappropriate.  This is on the side of a hospital.  Note the big blue sign saying that this is an accident free zone.  The best part is that most hospitals tend to get a lot of customers from accidents.


This one just seems a bit redundant.  Most of us can just try the door and figure out that it is locked.  I guess most of us can figure that out and the rest, well, they need the sign.


This one just made me scratch my head.  Especially when you notice that the lock has been removed (lower left corner).  Not to mention, there is something funny about an admissions unit that must remain locked.  If they keep it locked, I am not sure how you get admitted.


This is a great way to get your attention!  I bet people drive far more carefully after they read this sign!  I would certainly think twice about driving dangerously in that town.


Gosh, I saw this right after I left the kids with some lady who just wandered past!  I wish that I had seen it earlier!  Seriously, it is really sad that someone might actually need that sign.  If you really need to be told not to leave your children with anyone you do not know, maybe the kids would be better off with someone else…


Okay, who wants to open this door?  You know you would have to open it.  Sorry, I do not know what is actually behind this door, but it makes you wonder.  I wonder if they have a “Clean Utility” section too?


I have seen a couple of these, but this is the prettiest.  This seems pretty optimistic to me.  All I can say is that I would be pretty impressed with anyone who could check into hospital, deliver a baby and check out in two hours and check out.  They deserve free parking.


This one looks like your regular boring hospital sign.  The standard “follow the rules” type of sign.  Then you read it further and find that in the middle it says “Needless to say, no time should be wasted holding and admiring the beauty of the path specimen.”  I don’t know about you, but I do not know anyone who usually feels the need to hold and admire the beauty of a path specimen.  More than a little creepy.


Mmmmm,  braaaiins…  Master must have brains…

Sorry, previous job.  Well, I hope that this is the autopsy section and not the cafeteria, but you never know…  It is just kind of creepy.


Okay, this is not encouraging.  They really don’t seem interested in letting people in.  Maybe they specialize in walking and cycling injuries?  I like the fact that the little writing on the sign says “Hospital Visitors please park in parking garages” but the big sign that everyone sees first says “No Parking for hospital visitors or hospital employees”.  They seem to have a split personality.


While this is not strictly speaking a hospital sign, it is medicine and made me laugh.  It definitely makes me want to park somewhere else!


Yes, go to the hospital for the wonderful women in scanty outfits.  Somehow this does not suggest that they are serious about medicine.  It sort of infers that this is the best that they have to offer.  Maybe some would like that kind of hospital…


This does not sound promising.  I don’t know about other people, but I would never go to a hospital on Mortuary Road.  For some reason I find it a little less than reassuring.  Somehow I get the feeling that making people feel better might not be a priority there…


Baby is watching you.  This is supposed to be one of those friendly “we are part of the comunity” type of posters, but it just comes across as “little brother is watching you.”  This kid just creeps me out.  I am suprised that no one on the hospital staff could find a more encouraging picture.  You know like Charles Manson or something.

Well, that is it for this selection of oddities.  I hope that you enjoyed it.


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