How to Talk to Women

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Pick a ‘Pick up’ venue. No, you are not car shopping. You need to go someplace where you can actually meet women, women who might in turn want to meet you.

  • Bars and Clubs. Yes, they are cliché, but there is a reason for that. They work. Nothing like a little booze (in moderation) and good music (no moderation, please) to stir the pot. People go to places like that for two basic reasons: To be with your mates and to find someone with whom to mate. The first should be left alone, in general. If the girls are hangin’ they are usually not looking for love. The second might come with friends, but they are looking good, and looking around. They will be dancing and drinking (even if it’s a soda) and will often get up from the table-no sense dressing to be noticed if you sit down all night. Learn how to spot them and tell the difference.
  • Grocery stores and farmer’s markets are also good places to meet and mingle. The conversation is right in front of you-food. Ask a question. “What goes with chard?” Women love a little helplessness. Not too much. Just a little.
  • A coffee house is good and casual. Talk about the coffee. Invite someone to share your table when the seats are all taken. Keep it casual.
  • A book store is great, and its easy to tell if you have anything in common. Just look for that special someone in the isle that you like. Talk about a book that you’ve read-loved it, hated it, whatever. If you see her looking at a book, ask her what she thinks about it.

Next, put yourself out there. Someone has to make the first move, unless you want your local pub to look like a middle school dance with the girls on one side and boys on the other. Look for an opportunity. If the venue has dancing, ask someone to dance. That is why women go to places with dancing. To dance. Hard to believe, I know, but totally true. “Hi. My name’s Bob. Want to dance?” Not hard to do and she might even tell you her name.

Okay, now you are ready to talk, but what to say? First, its not so much what you say as how you say it. Confidence is key lads, and even the corniest line like “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?” will get a giggle if you say it right. Of course a corny line can also get you a sneer and the view of your target moving in the opposite direction. Also, look her in the eye. Smile, don’t leer, smile a genuine smile. If you need to relax, buy a drink. Just don’t get drunk. A little Dutch courage is fine, but no woman, no matter how desperate, appreciates a drooling drunk. Unless, of course she is already a drooling drunk herself, in which case go for it. Just don’t hate yourself in the morning.

Ask questions and listen to the answers. That is, essentially, how one makes conversation. It makes a woman feel good to think that you care what she is saying. She will be listening and talking longer if you actually do. If you have to pretend, then you might want to try a different girl, one who doesn’t make you want to think about something else.

Make her laugh. A joke that is actually funny will go a long way in starting a conversation. However, if you know that you can’t tell a joke, for the love of liquor DON’T! You won’t even make it to the punch line. Also, if your joke is locker room humor and something your would tell your buddies, but not your sister, you might save it for later. Much later.

Don’t say things that might seem impressive to you, but can be seen as showing off or arrogance. You might be an Olympic swimmer, but she may find that an odd thing to bring up right off the bat. Also, things like “Hi! My name is Angus. I once ate a cat!” might not be something you want to bring up with someone you just met, and really, you might want to keep it to yourself until the third date. Or the third month. Or just keep it to yourself.

Talk about the immediate environment. Is there a game on the TV? Talk about the teams or the sport (yes, some women like sports.) What music is playing? Is the bar tender cool? How do you cook a rutabaga? (That one is for the market.) Once the ball gets rolling you can move on to seeing her again. But let the ball roll for a bit.

Getting a phone number. You might not be looking just to “hook-up” for the night. You might actually want to get to know the girl. Maybe even have a person of the opposite(or same) sex in your life who isn’t your Mom. However, don’t start the conversation with ‘Can I have your number?’. Don’t make it the second sentence either. Or the third. You get there when you get there. If you do a good job with the conversation she will give you the number without you even having to ask. However, if she gets up to leave before you get it, ask! What have you got to lose? And guess what? You can also give her your number! Crazy, I know, but very doable. If there is no number forth coming, but you still want to hang out, offer to meet her for coffee the following day, or someplace for lunch. You might be surprised by the response.


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