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Breast Galore!

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Breast Galore!

I settled down to watched a documentary the other night on Chanel 4 called; ‘Looking for the world’s most enhanced woman’.  My heart and 38C breasts go out to Broadcaster, Mark Dolan who went on a quest to find out why some women take breast implants to the extremes. I watched it because I wanted to know the answer to the same question and there’s no doubt in my mind that some of you share the same curiosity.

His discovery was disturbing to the chore and from my view point women shouldn’t have to mutilate their bodies to attract attention.  The bad news is that they do and in spite of Lola Ferrari’s mysterious death in 2000, more than 300,000 women and teenagers per year are undergoing surgery and one in 80 die or have issues.

Mother Nature gave us ‘Breasts’ to nurse our children. ‘Babies!’  Not men or women. Unfortunately, some may not have had the chance to breastfeed long enough at birth. They therefore resorted to grabbing boobs to fulfil their own desires. This is nothing but an inheritance crave!

Sitting in my sofa eating chicken breast and chips with my eyes on Mark, I was waiting to see this extraordinary woman. Like Mark, I wanted to learn the truth behind unbelievable images of human physical extremes and also understand what make these images so remarkable.

His first stop was Lasvagas where he discovered Chrystal Ashley. She had the largest breast implants in the world but failed to wear them due to serious side effects.  In this case, it wasn’t the size of her boobs alone that was increasing; her heart, brain and lungs were also expanding.

Mark pointed at the soggy breasts and asked an obvious question. ‘So they’re not in there?’ Chrystal shook her head and opened a box and low and behold! Two huge bags filled with clear liquid jumped out at him. After weighing up the difference in his hands, Mark complained about aching hands and handed them over to Chrystal. He was disappointed and went on his journey further afield.

On his way, he met good old George, a boob fanatic, who pointed him in the direction of Minka another breast implant competitor. George proudly brandished a picture showing his head covered under Minka’s 4litre breasts. The image fuelled Mark to find her.

When he did, Minka opened her door to Mark and unleashed two gigantic silicon breasts and seven barking mad chiwawa. “Shall I grab one?” Mark offered his service but I wasn’t quite sure what he was offering to grab until one of the tiny dog slipped between his legs and shot across the road. Seeing that Minka would run the risk of toppling over, he breathlessly dashed across the road and saved it from the wheel of a car.

Minka showed her appreciation as she and her breasts were not in any position to chase after little dogs. Mark was quickly introduced to Minka’s husband and manager, Woody. The man that never smiles. According to millionaire Woody, who is suffering from cancer, he likes big breasts women and Minka is a commodity. The sad thing was he demanded that she remains in the industry until she makes millions or at an old age of seventy. Woody confessed that Minka was keeping him alive but if she decides to quit the boob’s trade, he threatened to leave her. This contradiction makes me wonder whether it was the boobs or the money that was keeping him alive.

After resting his hands underneath Minka’s breasts and juggled them about, Mark decided that each one weighed four bags of sugar and was far too heavy for anyone to carry around for ten years. He finally opted to a game of tennis with Minka to check her balance and coordination. Mark quickly came to the conclusion that she was better at playing tennis and should take up the sport and forget about silicon. Feeling disappointed that the ‘Big Breast Industry’ in the States was in decline; his journey took him to Brazil, the plastic capital of the world. He was willing to search for something bigger and better.

Mark found himself in the company of another big breast contender, Sheyla Hershey and her fans. He studied the crowd, both men and women and fired the question; ‘How do they know that you’re here?’ Funny question to ask when one is walking around with a big camera behind silicon boobs.

Sheyla Hershey, a woman from Texas is 28 and allegedly had nine breast enlargement operations. Her breasts are at a staggering size of 38kkk and the scariest thing is that she’s not afraid to face the knife again to make them bigger. It’s her wish to be remembered as the woman with the largest breast in the world. She wants to go down in the Guinness Book of Record, dead or alive. ‘Think Sheyla, think silicon!’

As they sat around a table in a restaurant, Mark noticed that her body was drooping and asked her if she suffers from backache. ‘When I go to restaurants like now,’ she lifted her breasts and rested them on the table.  ‘I rest my boobs on the table.’ It was at this point that I threw my chicken breast into the dustbin. I’m sure there must be somebody out there who’s watching and dribbling to trade place with a wooden table and probably wandering around and wielding a pickaxe. One word of advice, it’s only a table.

Sheyla brandished her silicon in front of Mark, leaving him stunt, before explaining why she love big boobs. She sat on the ground cross-legged and explained to Mark that she chose to have big boobs because she came from a troubled background.  She claimed that her mother was ill and because she couldn’t take care of her she was willing to kill herself by taking rat-poison and other medications. Unfortunately neither worked so she turned to a slower suicide method.

In my opinion, if she was so concerned about her mother’s health, the right thing that any human being would do is to seek help for her mother. Running off on a suicidal tantrum would not have made her mother’s health improved. It would more likely to send them both to an early grave.

An English man, who loves big boobs, came to her rescue and saved her from a string of attempted suicides. He told her that the best thing to do in life to survive is to stay away from rat-poison and have big boobs instead. She took his advice and she hadn’t looked back since. Her life has been redeemed, Hallelujah!

With Sheyla’s family concerned, she went ahead to another surgery without their support. However, she requested that Mark should accompany her to the theatre. He felt chuff and couldn’t understand why she’d asked him. Clearly she loves the camera and the publicity and not him.

After filling her existing boobs to capacity, she was ready and rearing to go. A job well done. Mark described the record breaking operation as ‘horrific’. Still recovering from anaesthetic with bandages on her face and ink still wet on her skin, she half-soberly, posed for the cameras and conversed about selling her story to press photographers. She was soon lying in the bed crying her eyes out to Mark. ‘This is my 32nd operation and I’m so beautiful.’  Then she murmured that she regretted that her family wasn’t supporting her in herendless,developmental stages. The irony is that her boobs that were saving her from depression were throwing her back into more depression.  I’m wondering if bigger boobs will ever solve her problems.

After the operation she was little impressed with her new boobs and refused to believe that the size had increased.  Mark reassured her that he could see the big difference but she wasn’t convinced and opted for another operation in the near future.

This mark the end of his journey, a remarkably one he’s living to regret. I’m sure Mark would agree with me that there is a better way to improve our breast sizes. Mine improved after having four children. Some might disagree and testify that breastfeeding had left them with breast resembling a pair of slippers. My foolish advice, they’re your slippers, own them and wear them. Life is a tool on loan to worry about the size of you breasts.

Breast implants are not lifetime devices, you need additional surgeries and visits to your surgeon to remove or replace implants. The possible risk and complications of breast surgery are backache, infections, bleeding, nerve damage, disfigurement and more so death. The list is countless.

God made us perfect but we believe that we can improve on perfection. The truth of the matter is there’s a downside to it. Many might disagree and do what makes them happy in spite of the risk. The question is who are we taking the risk for? If you take the chance to have a go, the most popular speech will be on our lips for a very long time is; ‘It’s hard to believe she’s gone.’

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