Snowmen ‘R’ Us

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Snowmen ‘R’ Us

News Flash!!! This is the time for all single women in England and abroad to get your ideal men. That’s right ladies, you heard right! Build your own snowman for free before it rains! We’re in for a good chance as snow is raking havoc through Britain and in other places around the world.

Forget about the dating, the economy and the ‘Credit Crunch’.  The ‘Snow Crunch’ in Britain is the main topic on Met Office’s tongue at the moment. Snow is blowing from the Arctic but we don’t care, do we? Snowmen are up for grabs! If your man is absent without leave or if you find yourself on your own without someone to snuggle up to in this icy, cold weather, look no further. Mr. Snowman is knocking at your door.

Do you ever walk down the street or walk into a nightclub and see a man that is not to your taste or the one that you really fancy looks through you because he’s in a candy shop? Forget about him. With temperature below -5degrees, the icy condition is locked in and a thaw is unlikely. We can carve our ideal man out of ice in whatever shape and size we disire him to be. Don’t we love the snow?

Britain is on a standstill with hundreds of schools shutting their doors to children at the first sight of a ‘flake’. I don’t see what the fuss is all about? Women never have it better. Don’t we just love nature? Why stay at home and play with your thumbs? The children are loving the snow, so why can’t we? Be positive! It’s a new year. A new decade! An ice age! Go for the man of your dream, Mother Nature and the Met Office is on our sides.

The better news is that, Met Office has predicted an emergency alert! Warning us that we could be buried under (40cm)16inches of snow by tomorrow. Be warned! This is one of the coldest winter for 30 years and they are advising us to take action. If Met Office is getting excited, why can’t we? Let’s get a move on then. Get your spades and buckets.

First, we need to panic buy! Stock up on essential items such as large black buttons, (for his eyes only) chocolate, wine and carrot. (hoo!)  Boots, thermal underwear, hat and two scarves. Mr. Snowman is going to give you the Chills.  Don’t forget a long spade and a huge bucket. A warm gloves (preferred knitted) and an extra large disposable rubber gloves. (You will need to wear these over your knitted ones to stop them from getting wet)Try and avoid antifreeze products. We don’t want anything thawing.

MAKING SNOWMAN

Step 1. Cover yourself in warm clothing. Make sure your blood can circulate. A good pair of boots or wellies, coat, gloves, hat and scarf will do the trick.

Step 2. Make two balls. (Small one for the head and a large one for the body) Roll up the balls by hand then roll it along the snow (the thick snow areas)  until it collects the amount of snow to the size balls you required. Don’t forget to make use of your bucket and spade. You can dig and collect the snow to begin with or make an Igloo.

Step 3. Carefully place the small ball on top of the larger one until it adhere. Now you have the basic shape.

DECORATING YOUR DREAM SNOWMAN.

By using the basic shape, you need to make your snowman look like a real man. Yes! This is the fun bit.

Arms. Insert two sticks (strong enough to hold you) into either side of the larger ball and let them stick out. Mould them with snow or you could wait until the next snow shower. If you’re desperate like me then build him now!

Eyes, nose and mouth. Stones or large black buttons are recommended for the eyes. Poke them where ever you like. Insert a medium size carrot into the nose position. Go ahead and give him a smile. Use your forefinger and carve a curvy vent into the mouth position. Make sure you’re wearing the disposable gloves over your knitted ones ’cause your finger will get wet.

Clothing. You can dress him however you like. Start with a scarf and hat. Turn him into Simon Cowell or Louis Walsh.

How long will your man last?

As long as you don’t take him into bed with you, he will remain solid. Leave him outside please and listen to the Met Office!

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