If you are asking yourself that question, then your marriage is probably at a point where you need to do something and do it quick. Usually we think we know enough about marriage when we finally take those vows with that special someone. Sadly, most of us know only what we have learned from those around us, and that can be dangerous. Maybe you are fully aware of what is causing the problems in your marriage. I hope you’re not yet at the point where either of you fell like giving up. Relationships are difficult, especially marriage relationships. But the marriage relationship can be one of the best things in your life if you’re both willing to do what is necessary to make it work. Bottom line – you both want to be happy, together, married. Here are some steps to help you save your marriage:
1) Make a Decision. Perhaps the most important thing to consider is if you’re going to throw in the towel and just give up. If you decide you’re going to stay and work it out, then go on to step 2.
2) Take Time Out and Reflect. Get away from everything and everybody even if it’s just for an afternoon. Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted and reflect on your marriage. Consider the problems in your relationship. Ask yourself what you are willing to do and what you must absolutely do to save your marriage. Don’t worry about what your partner needs to do at this point, just focus on what you can do.
3) Make a Plan. After a time of reflection, it’s time to come up with a plan. If you don’t have a plan, then you won’t know where you’re going. Perhaps setting aside a regular time to talk, or go out on a regularly scheduled date. Maybe you just need to reconnect, get away from everything for a time and get to know one another again.
4) Gather Wisdom from Other Resources. Perhaps some time reading and studying about what it takes to make a great marriage. There are a lot of good books on the subject of making your marriage better. Ask your local bookseller, talk to some friends and get their recommendations for a good book, or do some research online. In this age of information, there’s just no excuse to be uninformed.
5) Consider Counseling. As a last resort, you may need to consider counseling – but be aware this can get expensive and it can take time to find the right therapist for you and your partner. Plus there is the need to open yourself and your partner to a third party which can be difficult, especially for men.
6) Talk to Your Spouse. If you haven’t already done this, then it’s time to get it done. And talking doesn’t mean arguing or yelling. Talking means calmly discussing and effectively communicating with each other with the other’s best interests in mind. You have to find out if they think the relationship is worth saving. If they have already decided it’s over, then you know where you stand and you can go ahead from there. If, however, you both want to save the relationship, then you can do whatever you both need to do in order to move forward together.
7) Get a Mentor Couple. Although rare, there are people in this world who have made it 50 years and longer staying together happily in wedded bliss. Perhaps you’re lucky enough to know one of these rarest of relationships. If you do know of a couple who has been happily married for a good long time, then make time to get together and spend time with these people. Find out what they know, how they make it through the hard times. You and your spouse will benefit from their wisdom.
8) Make a Commitment to Your Future. Like most things that are worth saving, it will take some work, sacrifice and cooperation on the part of you both. Most relationships go through stages and if you’re both committed to sticking together through thick and thin – you know, like you promised in your wedding vows – then you’ll be more likely to save the marriage and even be happy together.