Another Dose of the Guru

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Never say “Now I’ve seen everything!”. Trust me. You haven’t. Just wait.

Alcohol makes a 16-year-old brain stupid, obnoxious and horny — a 23-year-old brain witty, charming and sexy — and a 44-year-old brain stupid, obnoxious and horny.

Shaving your head to outpace male-pattern baldness is like leaving a marathon at mile nine to hop in your car and drive over the finish line. It’s cheating, and everybody knows it.

Pharr, TX, is aptly named; in the extreme southeastern portion of the state, it is a 20-hour drive from its fellow Texas city of Kerrick.

Of all the things I’ve ever lost, I miss my mind the most.

Death is the cessation of all disease, pain and mortal suffering; unfortunately, it’s also the end of foot massages, red M&Ms;, sex and ice cream.

If you wanted to write a book that could incite millions of people, over thousands of years, to demonize, ostracize, subjugate, persecute, torture and kill millions of innocents, you couldn’t do much better than The Bible.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your kids.

“I’m an Independent.” = “I’m not about to reveal my political leanings to the likes of you.”

Think you’ve got endurance? Twenty-century-old seeds of a Middle Eastern date palm have sprouted live plants.

Why do guys ever care what they look like, when only women ever get noticed? (And, if we do, does that make us at least part gay?)

When you drink from a tumbler, the fluid erodes the inner surface of the glass, sending dislodged glass atoms down your throat.

If you’ve never questioned anything, then you’ve never found any answers.

Humility: Knowing that all those things you just can’t seem to figure out — universal remote controls, MP3s, texting, mini digital video cameras, twitter — are all deftly handled by the average 12-year-old.

No small change: coins on some Pacific islands reach 10 feet in diameter.


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