The Guru Speaks Again!

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I’d like to invite some of those who dispute global warming to life on a shrinking ice floe, so I can have some polar bears for neighbors instead.

Lonely? Today sixty percent of all U.S. households are home to no more than two people.

Bonfires were once ‘bone-fires’ used to consume the many victims of Middle Age plagues and wars.

Those who say “There’s always room for Jell-o” just don’t want to admit that they ran out of the good stuff.

To tenderize their meals of raw meat, Hun riders would often carry it awhile beneath their saddles.

If we can write in doggerel, why not in catterel?

I believe a woman should have the last word. I just wish she’d get to it already.

I never met a young single Nobel-Prize-winning large-breasted nymphomaniac billionaire cover model I didn’t like.

Considering the recent economy, I’m thinking of claiming my own bracelet color, so folks will raise money for ME.

The toxin used in Botox injections is roughly 25 times more lethal than plutonium.

Supposedly the Inuit and Eskimo peoples have many words for snow. I wonder how many words they have for “I can’t feel my toes.” or “When are we moving to Florida?”.

Sometimes in this life there is no greater pleasure than a well-fitting pair of soft warm socks.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left.

Don’t you just hate it when people start questions with “Don’t you just hate it . . .”? I mean, how are you supposed to answer. “Uh, no, I really don’t just hate it. I’m mildly irked by it, and perhaps find it occasionally irritating, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say I just hate it.”

Throughout America in the 1920’s, persons so desiring could subject themselves to the quack therapy of ‘biodynamochromatism’, in which their torsos were thumped beneath colored lights, while they aligned themselves east-west and performed ‘rhythmo-chromic’ breathing.

“With all due respect . . . “ = “Since we both know that I don’t really respect your or your opinions anyway . . .”

Ever have one of those days when everything goes right? Me neither.

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