Over the years I have been the third wheel riding in the car, seated at the dinner table or just walking down the street with couples and I noticed that some don’t have any friends. That’s right I said no friends. I just happened to be a relative to a few and an acquaintance to others (like someone you work with.) This means no one comes over to their home and just hangs out, they don’t go to an event with other couples, or go shopping with friends. There are no friends (barely family members) who will come over to their home and help them with tasks. There is no person(s) in their lives (other than relatives) who they can call when they are in a crisis. Absolutely zero friends! Now there may be an acquaintance or two, but these people are not the kind of people who would do anything for them without some kind of payment. So I was amazed at these friendless couples and thought I would share some of the things I learned as to why these couples are friendless.
Frustrated with partner
Usually he or she doesn’t know it or is unaware, but when their partner angers them, rather than take it out on their partner they get angry at others. They will find the smallest infraction or sometimes there is nothing at all to be angry about concerning those around them, but they will “make a mountain out of a mole hill” so the old saying goes, just because they don’t know how to release their frustration with their partner on him or her. Well anyone who has been around this person long enough will begin to see their dysfunction and back away.
These couples can act like bullies together making fun of anyone in their view. They operate together to break people down whenever there is a problem. For instance, their food isn’t right in the restaurant, the product they bought at a store they were dissatisfied with, or someone cut them in line whether on purpose or by accident and they lose it! They make a scene. They call the manager, they yell, they threaten, or even make enough noise that the police show up. They will talk about how wrong everyone else is and act as if their actions were justified. No one wants to hang around troublemakers.
They are usually so much involved with self that they have little space for anyone else. Every day they awake it’s about what they want when they want it. Anyone who is on the outside looking in they usually have no time for. If you are an inconvenience to their lives no matter how bad your situation is, they want repayment. They will look for you to do for them. There are no freebies, no sympathies, and no assistance if you don’t help them in some way. If you borrow, beg or steal from them you might as well have put your name and face on the back of a milk carton because everyone will know about how they helped you and you didn’t appreciate nor did you deserve their assistance.
The sun is shining in the lives of the friendless couple and as long as it continues to shine allowing them to do what they want when they want, they are happy, but let a rain cloud come in even with a rainbow behind it and they will have something to say negative. They look at the world around them and laugh or cuss. There is no in between. They are either laughing at your flaws or cussing about how you are impacting their world. “Why is she so fat? Look at that big mole on his face? Isn’t that an ugly birthmark? Why would anyone want to be with him? That poor couple argues all the time, she needs to leave him! I’m glad we are not like that. I wish they would shut up. I don’t want them talking to us!” The couple is often delusional. They don’t see the silent arguments they have amongst each other. They don’t notice at times when neither one wants to be bothered with one another. They can’t see when the other has hurt his or her feelings. They are myopic people.
Some of these friendless couples just can’t keep a friend because they have bad habits they will not stop. They will smoke, drink, do drugs, fight, and do other things that will keep others away. If you don’t do what they do, they will criticize you and think that you are the problem rather than the reverse.
While some couples will use the “evil” stare, slam doors, or separate from one another by going into another room or taking a walk outside, there are those couples that will argue loudly and they don’t care who is around. Now why would they even question why they can’t seem to keep any friends is beyond me?
It’s hard to keep good people in anyone’s life if he or she is always wanting what the other person has or feeling like they have to compete. If I buy a new television, you want the biggest one you can find. If I buy a new sports car, you have to consult with your partner on buying a new truck. If I want to send my children to private school, you want to send yours too. These friendless couples are not happy with their lives and often look at other couple’s lives and attempt to model them.
Unresolved Past Issues
The friendless couple has their share of bad encounters with friendship and has deliberately made a pact not to let anyone in their circle. The couple doesn’t want to get hurt again. They don’t want to be financially ruined. They are fearful that another woman or man might run away with their partner. They have real concerns and choose to keep people out of their lives on an intimate level. So you will never hear them say, “My friend.”
These are just some of the many negative things I have observed with friendless couples who are noth selfish and negative. They are easily angered when you bring their negative actions to them. It’s okay for them to be critical of you, but they don’t want to hear any feedback that will help them create the kind of life they desire.
Do these friendless couples want friends? They do. Some may not admit it, but they do. They really try, of course when they are in the mood, but oftentimes fail because they are so easily offended. Maybe you couldn’t be there for them at a time when they needed you most. Maybe they were in the mood to invite you over for coffee and doughnuts but you were tied up doing many other things. When things like this happen, that’s when they go back to their ugly ways such as: name calling, cursing you behind your back, talking negatively about your faith, eye rolling when they see you, or turning their back on you when you say, “Hi.” When people are acting this way toward you, it’s best just to leave them alone and if you have a faith, pray for them.