What to Do When Your Husband Has Been Unfaithful

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Talk to your husband about your feelings regarding his infidelity.  Tell him your fears, your pain, and your bitter feelings about his unfaithful behavior.  Be sure you open up as much as you possibly can and let all your emotions out.  It’s not healthy to keep an feelings about your husband’s unfaithful behavior in, nor should you ever hold back for his sake.   What happened was a traumatic event for you and you deserve your husband to listen to you wholeheartedly about his unfaithfulness and what it has done to you.  He needs to endure your anger, sadness, and fears about the infidelity in order for you to begin healing.  An unfaithful husband should have to deal with the consequences of his actions including taking the brunt of your emotions.  Any good husband would do this if he is truly sorry for his unfaithful behavior.

Explain to your husband that your going to need time to think about his unfaithful behavior.  Do not make a decision regarding the future of your marriage right away.  You’re in no condition to jump into any situation without first thinking it through.  Having your husband be unfaithful is devastating and can turn your whole world upside down.  Making a hasty decision to leave, or stay can alter the rest of your future.  You should be sure that you can deal with the aftermath of your decision.  For example, if you stay in the marriage, could you trust your husband again after he’s been unfaithful?  If you leave the marriage, will you regret not trying to work things out?  These are just a few questions you’ll have in deciding whether to forgive your husband’s cheating or not.  Just be sure to take the time you need to be sure of your future.

Try not to plan revenge on your unfaithful husband.  This will only hurt you in the end.  Cheating on your husband when he’s been unfaithful to you does not make what he did right, it only makes two wrongs.  You may be angry now and think of cheating as the perfect solution to hurt your husband in return, but it’s never a good idea to do something hurtful to someone who hurt you.  You are more than likely very vulnerable after your husband has been unfaithful and not thinking straight.  This could lead to poor decision making instead of taking time to heal properly.  While sleeping with another person would probably hurt your unfaithful husband, it will also cause more trouble in the end, especially if you are even considering forgiving your husband and making the relationship work.  Instead, think of how your husband’s unfaithful actions made you feel and how, if you are going to make the relationship work, you’ll only stoop to his level if you sleep with another person.  Be the better person and you’ll be proud of yourself whether the relationship works or not.

Do not get children involved in the unfaithful situation.  Children do not need to know about you and your husband’s problems, especially when one partner will look worse to the children than another.  Never play your children against your unfaithful husband, even if you are hurt and angry.  You will only hurt the children this way and create more pain than necessary.  Children should never know about you and your husband’s intimate life together.  Not only are most too young to understand, but you’d be trying to force grown up issues onto your children when they just do not need to deal with those things.  If you decide later that you cannot stay with your husband, you can explain to your children that the relationship just isn’t working and you need to separate from your husband.  Do not give your children any personal reasons.  Just tell them that you and your husband cannot live together and leave it at that.  If you need someone to vent to about your anger and emotions, talk to a friend.  Never talk to your children about your adult issues.

Seek counseling as a couple if your husband has been unfaithful.  If you feel that you may be able to forgive your husband’s cheating, see a counselor together.  Sometimes speaking to someone as a couple who can wean through marital issues can help you to see both sides of the problem. Your husband will also understand what you are going through as well, from the infidelity, which will help you.  Even if you don’t want your husband anymore or are unsure about your decision, a counselor can help you with these decisions.  In this case, you may choose to seek counseling on your own until you can come to a decision about the unfaithfulness of your husband. Either way, counseling services will help to clear your mind and give you a fresh perspective on the infidelity.  This way, you don’t feel so alone and know that you have someone who has heard your story before and can help ease a little bit of the pain.


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