Guys- what not to say to your ex

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Guys- things not to say to your ex’s..

“You’re the best I ever had”

That doesn’t mean you’re going to get it again buddy

“You’re the worst I ever had”

Yeah right, like anyone hung like you is ever going to have good sex

“I still love you”

Either you’re trying to get into my pants, or you actually do. If it is the former, get real. We broke up, and pity sex is pathetic. If it is the latter, using that to try to guilt me into seeing you again is low. Very low.

“I have a new girlfriend”

Good for you. Did you find her at the pound?

“I’m really enjoying being single”

So am I. but I bet you didn’t have hot shower sex with your gardener last night

“I miss you”

What, will no-one else shag you?

 “My friend/sister/dog really misses you”

You mean that you miss me but don’t have the balls to say it. Don’t think you’re being subtle- grow a pair.

“I threw out everything you ever gave me”

Well well, we are insecure aren’t we?

“I want you back”

There’s a reason I dumped you. Piss off

“I never liked you anyway”

Yup, that’s why you called three times a day, got upset when I couldn’t see you, and introduced me to all your extended family

“Let’s be friends”

We weren’t friends to begin with, and the reason I dumped you was to get you out of my life. And if by ‘friends’ you mean ‘friends with benefits’, forget it, you’re hung like a bee.

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