Your life seems miserable doesn’t it?… arguing everyday…you don’t feel loved or appreciated for all you do…you work hard and you feel no one really cares and no one understands you, right?…the kids are getting on your nerves and you’re starting to wish you could just have some peace and quiet, come and go as you please and you say to yourself, “if I just wasn’t married life would be so much better”. Sound familiar?
So, you’re contemplating divorce because you can’t stand the way things are and you’re starting to wish you had another life?
The purpose and hope of this article is to help you realize that life on the other side of the fence is not better in most cases. Granted, there are some marriages that are better off ending due to criminal reasons, abuse and infidelity but I am speaking about the average person who simply wants to give up on what they have for something they think would be better.
I believe as you read this and if you are honest with yourself you’ll change your mind about divorce and will look at your situation entirely different.
Let’s break it down.
A few years ago when you got married it was a happy day, wasn’t it?
Most would say it was the happiest day of their lives. You said your vows and promised, “For better or for worse, richer or poorer, good times and bad times, sickness and in health” you said some things to her/him that you meant and as God as your witness those things you said were from your heart.
YOU. WERE. IN. LOVE.
Being in love with that beautiful woman or handsome man meant the world to you…you were on cloud nine and life couldn’t get any better… I know you remember.
Now that the “honeymoon” is over life has settled in and you’re starting to see things a little differently and having to face some reality…aren’t you?
You’re seeing things differently because you’ve stopped thinking of her/him and started thinking more of yourself. You’ve stopped putting the other person first and feel you now deserve to be #1.
If any of this sounds familiar and you’re contemplating divorce but for all the wrong reasons then before you make the biggest mistake of your life by thinking the “grass is greener on the other side” I want you to try an experiment for ‘two weeks’. You owe it to your self and to the person in your life.
Separate from your spouse.
The first part of this experiment is to separate from your spouse for two weeks.
Sit your spouse down and explain to them you will be gone for two weeks without any contact. This two week separation is important because once you actually are in the process of a real separation/divorce and you leave the house you will be on your own with no contact and nowhere to go.
Pack only enough clothes and things you need that you can fit in your car because you’ll be living in it.
Pack your suit, shirts, pants and underwear and the important things you use for a week.
You’ll have to find a laundry mat to wash your dirty clothes each week. That’s a lot of fun.
Find a place to stay?
The biggest problem you’ll have while separated is finding a place to stay. Yes, during a real separation, you might be able to mooch off your friends for awhile or even stay in a motel but how long do you think that will that last? You’re still paying bills connected to your marriage and now you’re paying $59 dollar a day to stay in a Motel or you’re intruding on a friend’s life by staying there. Trust me, eventually you will end up sleeping in your car for a long time!
So, during your two week trial separation you must, sleep in your car.
What to do during down time?
Life around you as you know it won’t change much. You still have to go to work, you still have to eat but now you a lot of extra time on your hands so what do you do?
When it’s time to get off work and you’re standing around saying good-bye to all your co-workers who are getting into their cars to go home, where do you go? You have no home to go to.
Well, you can sit in your car and read until it’s time to go to sleep. You can go sit in a park and watch dad’s play with their kids. You can go to the movies and watch the latest Action or Romance film or how about a Comedy? You can use a laugh right about now.
What about dating? Well, any quality woman won’t want anything to do with a married man, especially one living in his car so you can count dating out.
What about going to the bathroom? Now you have to use a public restroom any time nature calls. You have no more privacy not to mention public restrooms are not sanitary.
You can spend your time wandering around the Mall or you can go to the Library or walk on the beach. The bottom line is…you’re alone and bored to death with not much to do.
Life doesn’t seem so green on the other side, does it?
When your two week trial separation is over you will want to re-think giving up what could be considered the “best thing that ever happened to you”.
If you follow my advice and try this two week separation experiment you should truly see the light and change your mind.
If you need counseling then get it. If you need to take an anger management class, then take it. Do whatever it takes to change your thinking and hang on to what you have because restructuring your life and trying to get back on your feet during a real separation period and eventually the divorce is a true task. It’s downright hard and most people fail miserably and wish they could go back which in turn creates a whole new set of problems.
If you have children then are you willing to accept being a “part time” parent? Are you willing to hear your children calling another man “dad”?
You have to ask yourself, “are things really so bad that I am willing to go through all these things and let go of my family”. I don’t think so.
I wish you luck because I know what you’re going through. I understand the hell you’re in right now. I can only write these things because I am going through all these things myself.
But, things can be different if you just search deep within and admit to some of your selfishness. Stay with it and do all you can to make it.
The heart ache and trouble you will face will not be worth it.
My Article also posted on Triond.com by Kaoss1, eHow.com by Kaoss and AssociatedContent.com by Scott Hallock