Tough Talk from an Automated Phone System

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I called JC Penney the other day to check on an order I made. I expected the usual automated phone system, which says something like “Hello. Thank you for calling JC Penney. What would you like to do? Check on an order, connect to a specific department, …”

Instead, I was surprised to hear the new automated system. The programmers went too far in making the new system more human. In fact, it seemed downright hostile. They gave the taped voice a really tough urban accent. Here’s how it went:

Computer: “Penney’s.”

Me: “Hi. I’d like to check on an order.”

Computer: “Oh Yeah? Well I’d like a lot of things. Get lost pal.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Computer: “Look pal, I’ve got other things to do. What makes you think you’re so special? Get a life, huh?”

Me: “Well, I just wanted to check on an order…”

Computer: “And I’m telling you to get lost. What part of that do you not understand? G-E-T  L-O-S-T! When I need this much hassle, I’ll let you know.”

Me: “Can I speak with a person, please?”

Computer: “What’s your problem, huh? You got a problem with computers? Never talked with a computer before? Are you one of those nuts that think computers are trying to take over the world?”

Me: “No! I just want to check on my order.”

Computer: “Look, we know where you live. You want me to send somebody over to get tough with you? Huh? Is that what you want?”

Me: “No – No, that’s okay. I’ll just try somewhere else.”

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