Numb, I don’t feel a thing

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Today was a crappy day. It’s true… I don’t mean to be negative~ but we all have them do we not? The thing is, how do we deal with bad days? How do we deal with moments we wish we could take back? How do we deal with regret?

Some of us are so proud we can’t see where we faulter. It’s sad really… many of us are so consumed with being right we would sacrifice being happy. I admit freely, I have entered that catagory many times. As I mature into (prayerfully) a wonderful, kind, and wise woman~ hopefully I am not only willing but also able to make the right choice.

Which brings be to another thought. It seems to me that I seem to be the one who frequently attempts to take the high road. I try. I’m not always successful. Infact, today is a great example (actually… it’s a terrible example) Its an example of me not taking the high road, when I finally hit my breaking point. So much for being numb! I was numb for so long and then *SNAP* I’m not proud of it, but I will honestly own up to it. Today I slapped my own mother across the face!  Crazy, right? Who does that? People who have no morals, people who don’t know to respect their elders, people who don’t love and appreciate their parents – right? WRONG! Some who are fully opposite of those character traits… sometimes some of them lose it too (when the circumstances are just right). I am not proud of my behavior- not at all, and yet I feel nothing right now. I am numb. I need some time to process what in the heck actually happened today?!?! There has been so much going on in my family and taking the high road the majority of the time finally has taken its toll.

I love my parents. I respect and appreciate them and yet I know I have also been their caretaker far too long and they have been mine as well. It’s not healthy. I can see “it” & yet at times I feel powerless to change “it”.

Either way… I am working through “it”. Those who read my first blog understand what I mean when I say “it”. I will be trying to describe “it” for sometime to come, but for now… I am still numb.

Tomorrow is a new day!


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