Here’s what I think about GOING GREEN

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Everyone is jumping on the “Go Green” Bandwagon…..I sir cannot follow on this mission of treehugging hippy bullcrap. Why you ask youself??? Let me explain this to you.

One way they say to go green, is to make an organic cocktail with organic alcohol…..that way, it takes time, effort, and its good for the environment, because you’re not cracking open a beer and throwing away the can…..hmmm okay…….until you get drunk on this organic cocktail, light a bon fire, burning down your neighboorhood slowly, by throwing toxic plastics into the fire, then smashing the bottle the organic booze came in on your buddies head….let’s think rationally, you’re not getting drunk with a go green attitude and keeping it once the booze kicks in. Pretty soon you’ll be peeing in your girlfriend’s hair and yelling at her for being such a poor sport about the holiday party going on around her.  Are we serious??? Organic Booze??? Same effects. The only go Green these drunk hippies will be doing is crapping on the neighbors lawn.

They also say with our techie toys, we can go green…this just pissed me off…..buy used they say. extend the life of the product. Smart…Yes…but If i wanted to buy a piece of shit, Id head out to the local cow patch and buy a piece of cow crap. When it comes to a phone or video games, I WANT THE NEW STUFF.  Why ??? It’s better. All my friends got Xbox 360, but I bought a NEO GEO cause it was CHEAP, and i wanted to save the environment…Screw, I want a 360 too, I can save the virtual environment by throwing hookers of roofs!

Here’s a fun one…Use towels made a bamboo after a shower. Where can I get a towel made of bamboo??? Do I just call up my local tribe of bamboo towel makers? Umm hello??? ooba booba timbunbawnweeve…..two weeks??? Ok great! I look forward to my bamboo towel….” Brings me to my next point on this matter, HOW THE HELL is this going to feel when drying my private parts???? Am I going to get a splinter?

Look people, don’t get me wrong, I CARE about the environment, I shut off my lights when Im not using them, I have the computer on the energy saver mode.  I get it, but some it this CRAP is WAY too HIPPIE for me…The same hippies that are making the future American’s a bunch of germ free fairies are taking saving the environment, at least ten steps too far…

Commercial Break…ADD, and ADHD do not exist. The hippies were looking for an excuse…..I would have been classified as ADD when I was growing up, but my father told me the real diagnosis, IM STUPID and I need to work harder. And guess what folks??? I turned out just fine, Im smarter, and I get more done without help because I have a very good intuitive process. Now, you’re kids are DRUGGED UP on substances making them “Better” but in reality, they’re getting dumber and dumber as the drugs slowly eat away at their personality. You’re dumbing your kids down. Why don’t you push them a little harder and they’ll get the hint. They’re having trouble learning still because you put them on riddlin, when taken in high dosages, will friggin either kill you or turn you into a vegetable.

Now the real fun part, FUNERAL HOMES are even Going Green….Now, this is cool, and STUPID at the same time. I dont like the idea of the fiber glass coffins or whatever the hell their made of, so i like this idea…however, I hate it at the same time.

Could you imagine in your will writing “I want to go Green when I die”…imagine what the readers are thinking, your great grandchildren want to know why papa wanted to die a leprauchaun…. I must be getting tired, I just re-read my own joke….On a side note…did you know they reduced emissions from human body burning? Amazing! Now we don’t have to worry about polluting the environment after we’re dead!

56 million: The approximate number of people that die each year around the globe.  That’s 56,000,000 people that want to be a leprachaun when they pass on.

Personally, I like the idea of a green burial, get buried in carboard, a cloth, something quick to biodegrate and give worms quicker access to my ocular cavities, I don’t like the idea of being buried in a coffin, and locked inside a big concrete slab….it doesnt look fun. I have a chance to get out when Im buried in a cloth. Cremation sounds fun, but I won’t do that until I know fore sure my emissions have been cut down 100%, as of right now, Im the cause of 50% of the pollution in my seat cusions.  I know if I get cremated now, I’ll release enough methane gas to bring upon the re-emergence of the global tempatures dinasaurs lived in.

Im tired. Goodnight. Go Green.

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