Don’t Give a Drunk A Hamster

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So, the other day, I realized my friend “Guy” can’t have Hamsters…as we re-canted his endeavors.  He shouldn’t have girlfriend’s either. Well, let’s talk about the pets first.

Guy had a hampster, he decided it stunk and gave it a bath, His daughter started crying while he filled up the tub and he checked on kaitlyn but forgot to stop the water. He returned to find his hampster, “swimming”.

Did you guy’s hear me??? HE WASHED HIS HAMPSTER IN A HUMAN SIZED TUB, not the sink, or a smaller tuppaware container or anything, a TUB?!?! Where does he bathe???? THE OCEAN? He washes his kids in a swimming pool, and washes himself in the great lakes..his tiny pet hampsters get the tub….what an idiot!

Alcohol and a plan are never ever good…especially now-a-days. Back in the old days the plans were just goofy, now people could lose eyes or legs doing what we try to do. Pet’s could lose lives…the same kid who drowned his hampster in a HUMAN size tub came up with this idea…

Hey, Let’s get drunk and build a cannon, suddenly turning into a boat, or a coffin shaped boat with Guy sinking in the middle of a lake….let’s get drunk and build an igloo they said….I visited and saw what was left of it after they lit a fire inside of it…Don’t give a drunk any ideas…or pets…

Let’s make a fire pit out of an oil drum! I bet you think that ended well, let me tell you, it didn’t  🙂

Here’s our latest and greatest, let’s get drunk and help The Sarge move into his new house…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got a great idea, let’s pull out our toe nails with tweezers and blame it on the booze! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Who brought the b-b guns over??? No don’t shoot him in the leg!! AHAHA you got shot in the leg! Too bad, you owe him $5 dollars….he owes me $5 dollars! So we’re even. Jay??? Can I borrow $5 dollars? Dammnit! Don’t give a drunk a bb gun.

Let’s bring you back to the days of the snackbar…let’s get drunk ideas…

Let’s drink beers then smoke nine bowls to our heads, go for a ride, and see what happens!   Yay!!! That was the single most entertaining day Ive ever lived. I saw vomit, pavement sleeping, and a small skinny kid eat three times his body mass in chocolate eclairs. Amazing…then fifteen years later, I watched him drown a hamster in a LIFE SIZE BATH TUB….by accident, or by stupidity.

Let’s get drunk and sit RIGHT next a pool in November….ended bad for me…

Let’s get drunk, and sit in this basement for 7 days without food or water, saying WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPUUUUUUU
everytime our little video game character killed something.  Whoa, is that sun light out there??! Let’s stay here, your mom got any food???

Let’s get drunk and lighting a fire is bad enough, how about when we start throwing in random stuff as the night goes, get the paper plates you just ate on, then two hours later you find yourself holding your girlfriend over the fire…telling her it will only hurt for a second.  Eventually your buddy’s house is slowly going in the fire piece by piece. Hey is that your shoe??? No man, I think it was my daughter. Nice fire though. Hey let’s go get your basement door. You got tools? The fire get’s so big, the cops think your neighborhood is burning down.
The cops show up and tell you your fires out of control, so you drunkinly stumple over and take out a stick and say “There, sorry occifer.” Its going down now see??? We’re all idiot folks.

Let’s drink and see how dizzy we can get that other hampster……spin it around in it’s ball??? Hey??? Wanna play soccor???? Bad idea….

Now…today…lets get drunk and build a CANNON??? How are we going to build a cannon???? With a Giant mess of black powder and a wick…hahahaha!!!!  Oh god, im going home…

Nevermind the project on Sarge’s car. That sent him and Guy on the death rides of their lives….lmao…with a little rubber hose stuck in the throttle, which means as soon as they started the car, it was going 80 mph!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How they survived I’ll never know. Luckily, I had to go to work before the test drive.

Haha, we were watching the football game the other night, and no one wanted to get up to drag the 30 pack closer to us…so Sarge and Guy came up with a plan….eventually there were just a bunch of random items by my  feet….

“Okay, give me a belt, my shoe, and a curling iron, I can get it.”

Okay that didnt work, “Let’s try a belt, a keychain, and this shotgun shell.”

Okay, that didn’t work either, “Let’s try a toothpic, a rubber band, and your shirt”

Ummm no….almost…but no…..let’s tie all our belts together…..okay, I’ll just get up and get it.

I want to know where people get off calling other people ugly. With a closer look, you see that the cutest and most beautiful people smell like my poop and look like my poop too………and you also have to wonder, do they REALLY look like this in the morning??? I just wear my morning face all day….they happen to change, but look, you’re breath SMELLS in the morning, your FACE MUST hurt someone’s eyes in the morning, and if that someone were me, id stab you in the sternum if you tried to touch me before you showered or brushed….How dare you go out and judge people….stupid superficial ***** heads.

Allright, im getting sleepy, im going to watch tv on the couch till i have to go to work.

Good day to you all.


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