If you are serious about affair proofing your marriage, I challenge you to focus on the principles listed below. Affairs take place because of the lack of communication and the lack of needs being met.
The very first step to Affair-proofing your marriage is to open up the lines of communication with your spouse. The key is to communicate! Communicate! Communicate! Take an afternoon, or weekend, or late night when the kids are all sleep and talk to your spouse about ensuring that each of you are committed to be open and transparent about your marriage and the issues that may exist. Agree to discuss a plan to ensure that nothing has the ability to penetrate your marriage and cause even the slightness notion of an affair. Ensure that you do not accuse your spouse of anything, let him or her know this exercise is a preventive measure.
Identify Needs: The number one issue for Infidelity is the lack of needs being met. So at this point I would like for you and your spouse to take a sheet of paper and a pencil and list the top five needs that you must have as it relates to your marriage relationship. Allow your spouse to privately list his and you privately list your needs. Next, Allow your spouse to discuss his 5th need. Allow him or her to express why they need this specific need. Do not interrupt. Remember, they are sharing intimate needs. Once he or she is done, then it’s your turn. Continue this process and take notes until you both have discussed all five of your needs.
Devise a Plan to Meet needs: The next step is to devise a plan for the both of you to pursue meeting each others’ needs. Determine what needs to be done to satisfy your spouses top five needs. It could be that your spouse said that he needs to hear you say special things about him being the man that you desire. For men, this helps our ego and boost our desire to want to please our wife. Take seriously every need as if it was your own need.
Implement the plan. Be sure to set the expectation that everyone is going to try with their all to meet each need. However, if a need cannot be meet that must be communicated with your spouse. After a week’s time, take some time with your spouse again and evaluate how the both of you are achieving the felts needs of each other. Celebrate the victories and work on the challenges.