What did they do before???

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What did the people of old do???

…without the stuff we had today??????

Did cavemen stop running from that wooly mammoth because they saw flakes on their new black shirt??? “HOLY SHIT! I have dandruff! I need some Selson Blue quick! Oh, the mammoth??? Dont worry about it until I get rid of this dandruf!” Obviously, having a lack of dandruff is VERY important to most people, as in 80% of most households, they have either Selsun Blue, or Head and Shoulders.  This idea to me, a man of technological prowess, can’t STAND. People get dry scalp, deal with it……Like I say, the people in the past didn’t care, all they wanted was a fire, and not to get eaten. It’s funny because the less danger in our lives, the more CRAP we seem to think up to complain about…such as dandruff….Would you worry about dandruff if when you went out to work in your black shirt you would have to dodge 3 saber tooth cats and four lions on the way??? No, Im sure you wouldnt give a cats crap about dandruff or makeup, or combing your hair for that matter…

What did a husband and wife do before toothpaste? No wonder people weren’t so open about sex! Their breath must have STUNK to high heaven! They should have prohibited kissing and making alcohol legal, and kissing only legal when intoxicated because the hooch would obviously kill bad breath germs. Notice, there are more divorces cases NOW when we found a way to stop and slow bad breath germs. Why, let us deduce a reason why….I got it!!! No need to deduce…there was no divorce back in these days because everyone’s breath smelled so bad, they stayed away from each other, the men would go out and work the fields and the mommies would stay in and feed the children. Then at the end of the day, they ate four feet from each other and then went to sleep in seperate beds…no problem if you don’t like bad breath….

How in the world did bad breath toothless hookers get laid back then without booze then? They must have had some serious bodies I’ll tell you…because…without mouthwash and toothpaste, I don’t want a broad coming near my face.

What did they do without make-up or hygien products, guys walking around with four inch toe nail fangs, and women walking around with buckets on their heads in the morning. Men had forty foot long beards with bobcats and shit living in them, women had armpit hair that came to their knees. That’s insane!

How about tissues??? How could you walk four feet without stepping on a snot rocket? Cu-tips? Why don’t they call them ear tips? anyways, they probably made candles out of ear wax, which saved them hard earned sheep when it came to lighting their homes before electricity and oil lamps were made.

Oh TP?!?! Sure sure, they wiped their asses with leaves, I see it, what about in the winter time when the leaves were all covered in snow??? Did they wipe with pine cones? Or did they wipe their asses on their horses tails?

It boggles my mind people. Boggles…

What about board games??? Did familes actually talk to each other?!?! Holy shit…what a fucking concept….actual conversations over the deer dad just gutted on the kitchen table with his really sharp rock. Open flame cooking, and sometimes possibly raw meat im sure….No ecoli? Amazing! Notice Ecoli came only after we developed safe means of food preperation….here is the real reason we get sick from food, the cook who first spread unsafe food bourne illness took a dump, and didn’t wash his hands when he got crap all over himself….

Or wrapping paper? How did they give gifts??? Did they carry a dead rabbit head into the sleeping area and drop it by their loved one’s feet like a cat or dog?
“Oh thank you Bernie! A dead rabbit head! Give it here! No! Drop it, Drop it! Bad Bernie! Bad!”

Did they rub each others noses in their shit when they missed the hole in the ground? Or if they didn’t fill the hole in properly?

What about laptops and stuff? Did they really wait weeks to say hi to each other? Or did they not have any friends? Do you mean they actually had to walk to their friend’s houses to see if they could come out and play with the pile of poop their neighbor’s horse left??? (I personaly lived the last great days of not being to call people on a cell phone…)


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