The Never Ending Relationship

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So we’ve all had that one relationship that was just crazy. My experience included loving somebody with my guard COMPLETELY down. I deprived myself of any pride! It didn’t matter what he had, the kind of car he drove, where he lived, who his people were, I just loved his ass. He could have gained 200 pounds and I would have been his cheerleader on the sidelines, cheering him back to acceptable weight. When he hurt I hurt. When his heart was broken, mine was torn to pieces. On his last dollar I would starve just so his belly could be satisfied. He came home to a clean and safe haven filled with love and satisfaction even after a fight. I made it my business to treat him like the man that he was.

Then one day I woke up. I realized that it’s human nature to get comfortable, relaxed. When we are treated well we become unappreciative, ungrateful, our mindsets change. Complacency sets in and we become accustomed to good treatment even when we don’t deserve it. For some reason we even find the nerve and ordacity to complain and when there are no real complaints we make up shit. Aint that a bitch.

What you men need to realize is that a woman in love will do almost ANYTHING for her man. I aint talking about the woman who is desperate or has no options. Nor am I talking about the one who has no clue how to treat a good potential mate. I’m speaking about quality here. A real woman knows her boundaries. She has pride but at the same time she has love for her man. She will allow him to break her and she learns the difference between speaking and being silent. She knows the definition of being a Proverbs woman. She learns when to rid herself of pride, mouthiness, abuse and destruction – those spirits somehow and out of nowhere… disappear. The old me (mouthy, prideful, sassy, “I aint puttin up with this shit bc Idont have to,” miss thang, I have options, I’m too fly for this, what kind of car does he drive) somehow, somewhere in this relationship/experience disappeared. I transformed into a different woman; a different individual and it was okay. Submission all of a sudden became a part of me being a woman and I embraced it with joy, love and maturity.

My relationship, unfortunately turned sour as I began to wake up from the sad and often dry reality of being in love. I realized that he is a man and our thoughts and dreams aren’t the same. Our sacrifices and views on life were totally different and in this particular relationship I gave alot more than he was willing to offer. I got caught up in the potential of the man and lost sight of the man himself. In the end I had to face the fact that I did the one thing I hate the most – I lost.

Today I am thankful for the challenge that presented itself and I realize that it was not at all what I wanted but all that I needed. He was just another man … one that didin’t deserve all that I had to give. Am I mad?? No. I’m actually very happy that I met him and I wouldn’t trade my experience with him for anything in this world. He loved me and most importantly he accepted me without asking me to change who I was. Our differences were the death of us and the same way we accepted each other as is, I have accepted the fact that we are better off apart. I know now that he is not the one and I have come to accept the fact that there is someone different out there designed just for me. For so many years I held on to old memories, hoping that we would get back the sweet innocence that was lost. Now I know it was just a chapter in my life and I’m thankful that it’s now closed. I’m moving on and because of him I can see what I want AND what I don’t want in a man. I’m ever so thankful that the never ending relationship has reached its final page. I can say it’s over and truthfully mean it. What a relief.

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