Divorce can be absolutely devastating on those involved, whether they instigated it or not. Naturally, there is going to be extreme anger-which mostly stems from being hurt as an emotional defensive shield over the divorce. An emotional defensive shield is protective, designed to pad the human psyche from the unbearable stresses suddenly put on somebody over divorce. Instigating it or not is meaningless in the grand scheme of things. The anger will always be there, as a result of divorce. Anger can also come as a result of a knee-jerk reaction to an infidelity, abuse, etc. But it generally is a result of an emotional defensive shield, in which can encompass all of these things.
Dealing with the anger does not necessarily mean doing something equally, maybe counterproductive such as having sex with your former partner’s best friend. You know the beautiful and sensual woman, or handsome man, who constantly ogled you from a distance and maybe gave you the tongue at a discreet distance once in awhile. But knew you were with his/her best friend. Such things can lead to huge complications in your life. Revenge sex may be titillating, explosive and volcanic, but leave you hollow inside and more angrier than ever, as your unresolved emotions from the divorce have only been augmented and worsened by somebody you’ll usually end up perceiving as taking advantage of you.
If it is an abusive relationship, whether physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological, the anger can be very extreme. There can never be adequate redress for any forms of abuse. Usually, the anger can be so deep, along with other pent-up emotions, that a skilled therapist is needed to help an abused person come to terms with it…and more importantly to heal. Healing is important for the aftermath of all divorces. There has to be an emotional healing time, for emotional scars run very deep.
Generally, dealing with anger means a cooling off period for you as you start to re-construct your life. It’s healthy and quite normal to feel anger after a marriage of years suddenly ending, whether you instigated it or not. But it’s not healthy to harbor deep resentments and anger for years-as it is going to be extremely counterproductive to your life and future. Vent your emotions in the beginning. Smash a picture, cut the crotch out of your partner’s pants, cry, shout at them. Venting is so important to help you put things back into perspective and re-construct your life to the point that you’ll be ready for new relationships and possibly a new marriage.
After all, you want a new relationship to work out. Building up fears and resentments over new partners may potentially lead to new and equally or more devastating relationships. Work hard to get a fair and equitable split with all your financial assets, and your most important assets, your children. This can help defuse long term anger, leading to better emotional health and stability.
Also, take the dating scene slow and surely. Don’t plunge in over the strong need to be with somebody. Take a little bit of time in getting back into the dating scene. But go out and date. Getting your feet wet again is going to help defuse your angers. In the end, doing all of these things and more is going to lay the foundation for a newer and stronger you. Isn’t that what you want in the end? Build a good and viable foundation and you’ll do nothing but sing and be happy!