I have not been writing lately, nor have I been communicating with many people. I needed some time to be alone with my thoughts.
I use to think that I was a very forgiving person, but I have learned that I hold a grudge. So I asked myself at what point do I forgive a person? What actions against me can be completely forgiven? Now I am posing these same questions to you.
If a boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you with someone that you know are you able to forgive them. Will your feelings for one of them over power the other making it easier to forgive them? The sense of betrayal and mistrust overwhelms you for the time being but soon the pain passes. Forgiving the action is easy but is it that easy to forgive the person? I have found that to grow you need to feel pain. To find the one that is right for you, you need to go through all the wrong ones. It is important to forgive the person along with the actions in order to be happy not only with yourself but with the person that you are with next. It is not fair if we are take that mistrust into new relationships and friendships.
If you help someone out by giving them a place to stay, feeding their kids, and helping them get a job, only to have them steal from you some of your most treasured belongings. I have had this experience. The first time I tried to help these people they just screwed me over, and the second. I said I was washing my hands to them and then they showed up in the middle of the night and wanted to sleep in my yard with their kids in the car. I once again let them into my home and helped them. My mistake. They stole all my family jewelry and pawned it. I called the police had them arrested and yes I got my things back. Not the point I know, but I have made the choice that they can not be forgiven. I can not forgive someone that is so ungrateful for help when everyone else turned them away only to have them steal from me.
To have a person that you love deeply put their hands on you in anger. The first thing that goes through your mind is it is your fault. You did something wrong to cause such a hateful act. But you know what it isn’t your fault at all. Maybe you pushed a button to anger them. That is no excuse for these actions. But for some reason the feelings that we have for these people over power the actions and we forgive them.
Forgiveness is not easy when we are close to the person and we are wronged. We are quick to forgive a stranger for some of the same actions. Why is that? We tend to make excuses for the ones that we don’t know, like they didn’t know any better, they must have needed it more than I did or some other excuse that fits the action. So why is it so much harder to forgive the same actions with people that we love? Why is taking some form of retaliation make it better? Tit for tat, an eye for an eye?
I have done my share of wrong doings in my life, things that I am not proud of. I have done things with the knowledge that other people would get hurt. I have my crosses I bare and demons that I battle every day. I use to have the attitude that I didn’t care if these people ever forgave me for my actions but in the long run the actions themselves have gotten the better of me and I have asked most of them for forgiveness. I am also going through and evaluating what was worth the pain and forgiving those that have wronged me.
Every action can be forgiven without some form of retaliation. Every person deserves a chance to redeem themselves and make it right. It is not healthy to carry other peoples burdens and if you can not forgive without “paying them back” in some way then it is their burden you are carrying. The deed was done now you can keep that with you and live your life in pain and angry or you can just realize that life is way to short to worry about everyone Else’s mistakes. If we were all perfect we would not truly know what it is like to be loved and love someone else. We would not know the importance of the smile and the sound of laughter. If we never experienced pain than how would we know what pleasure was? We need to experience failure to know how to succeed. We need to live life to survive, without being able to forgive all we do is hide in our own little worlds sheltered from anything that may wrong us again. Does that sound like living to you?