The fling or not

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It took me a few minutes for all the words to sink in. In this virtual community, they seemed to lead a passionate and happy life—here they, I mean my husband and a pretty strange girl who live in Shanghai. They hug, ogle and kiss each other, and they actually live together online—my husband suggested they should live together forever. I don’t know what I should feel about it. Actually I didn’t feel anything any more and I just stared at the computer. Perhaps I should dismiss the whole thing with a big laugh. After all, it is not real. It is supposed to be a fling, isn’t it? But I couldn’t. The messages they exchanged are too intimate to ignore. What’s eating me up most is that I’d never in a million years think that he is such a flirt. Every time when I tried to say something intimate, either face-to-face or through the message, he would feel embarrassed. Too much mushiness would always get him on nerve. He just doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body, at least I thought so. However, this dot under his name and with his image is definite an expert. He really knows how to make an approach. He couldn’t be the man I fell in love with, get married and have lived for five years, could he? How amazed what some people, some people you really thought you knew them well, will do behind your back. When the truth shows up, it always hurt like hell.

Recently my husband and I have been obsessed in a virtual community, where you can communicate with your friends; earn money, purchase house, cars and so on. When I added my husband to my friends list, he refused and he said he didn’t like to be watched over.  I didn’t take it personally. Okay, who am I kidding with? I guess I did take it a little personally. He obviously had something to hide from me, and I wanted to know why. Therefore, when I browsed this site and found that he had forgot to log off, I jumped at this chance to check it out. I really wish I didn’t. It’s like a slap on the face.

A smart woman will keep it to her heart and wait and see which way the cat will jump. But I am not a smart woman, and I never was. Instead, I confront him through QQ. I dared not to do it face-to-face, I was afraid if I confront him face to face, I would loose control and create a scene. And all I got is a typical man’s answer. It’s a fling, not something real. He even didn’t know this girl in person. “You know I would never cheat on you.” he said.  The question is, am I? Am I really one hundred percent sure?

After work, he asked me out for dinner. He said that I should not take it too seriously. I asked him what he would think if I invited another man to my bed, online, of course. His mouth tightened, and I knew I hit to the point. After a few minutes silence, reluctantly he said that he got my point and he would erased that girl off the list if I like. That’s the convenience of the virtual world—you can easily get rid of anyone if you wanted. But if you don’t know where to draw a line, there always would be someone else coming up. Perhaps I am really out, perhaps it’s Okay to flirt online and hook up someone online. I really don’t know.


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