On death

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When we grow old and have lived a full life, we come to accept the fact that it is our time to go. Everyone handles death differently, but regaurdless how we deal with it it is going to hurt.

I have, like many others, have experienced death in my life. And being a certified nursing assistant I have been there for the dying when the family was unable to get there in time. There is no easy way to deal with death. It is going to happen no matter what we do. I am no expert by far how you personally should handle a loved one dying I just know that they are in a better place than we are right now.

My father was killed in an explosion that was work related when I was 16 years old. That was by far one of the hadest deaths I have ever in my life had to deal with but somehow I remained strong. My family fell apart when i held it together. They even thought that I was sucidle, why because I came to terms with my dads death with the simple thought he gave up. I know that that sounds cold but he did. My father had 3rd degree burns over 95% of his body. The doctors said he would know everything that he always did but his body would not know how to do any of it. They said if he would survive he would have to relearn everything like an infant would. More than likely he would be in the hospital for more than two years. My father was a very proud man and I was his life. He knew I would put all my dreams and my life on hold just to take care of him. I believe he stayed alive long enough for me to say my good byes and then he just stopped fighting. He was only 36 years old. It was not hiis time in my eyes and for a long time I hated God, and I hated him. I was so angry, but as i grew older i know now that it happend because it was his time. He had a higher calling. The hardest day of my life was the day he passed.

We are humans and for one reason or another some of us chose to speed up deaths process. We kill ourselves slowly with drugs, alcohol, smoking and whatever else we may think of. This brings me to the first time I ever watched a persons life fade away right in front of me. I was appointed the medical voice of a friend of mines father because she was just not strong enough to do it. I signed and okayed for life support till the family could come in. What I didn’t know at the time was that when you sign for someone to be put on life support you are the one that has to say they can be taken off. This was the second hardest day in my life. Dan had a drinking problem and his liver had failed. After the family came in and said their good byes I was left with the decision to remove the life support. The thoughts that run through a persons mind when left with this choice. Will he make a come back. What if he just needs a few more days, What if…… I stayed in the room as his eyes were open and looking at me and they slowly turned off the machines. I held his hand for thirty minutes until he finally flat lined. I never want to do that again. Though his death was painful and I didn’t understand, the thought of taking life support from someone fells like killing them. He was 45.

As a cna death is a way of making a living but this is where I began to realize how precious life is and how easy it is to just forget someone. I would work with patients whose families would never come to see them but when they passed they woulld come in like the world ended. I would get angry. I mean why were they not there when their loved ones needed them the most?

Death is going to happen. We might not know where or when but we do know it will happen. It is hardest ( for me ) when they are young and it seems their life was way to short. To me when you are older you have lived the life you wanted, and you just don’t want to do it anymore. You will be angy, you will curse God, you will cry for the pain you feel, and then you will accept the fact and move on. These stages all happen differently for everyone, but they all will happen. Live each day as though it is your last. Always take time to show love to the ones you love in your life both young and old. Life is way to precious to take it for granted. Listen to the stories your grandparents tell and the ones that your small children make up. Take time to smile more than you cry because when the ones you love pass you will always have the memories to keep them alive in your heart.

Rest in peace to all that I have lost and that you have lost. They are in a better place than we are and their life lives on in us.


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