Why are you still single?

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Why are you still single?

That is a question you may be asking yourself, I know I asked myself that many times as I went on one date to another. For me it was never a problem getting a date it was finding the right person, it always seemed like I was on one wrong date after another, and somehow each one just fell short in some way. What was even worse was I was becoming known as the serial dater, which I thought was far better than the alternative of the person who never went out.  Either way they both felt lonely in their own way.

The hardest part about being single and dating is the stigma that comes with it, everywhere you go you are bombarded with things that tell you how you are suppose to be in love, or even worse with your soul mate.  Yet deep inside there was part of me that loved being single, I did and was afraid to tell anyone. It was like I was ashamed of the fact that I liked to sleep alone or worse sleep with my dog, she is incredible at spooning. I can make takeout last for three meals, no need to dirty any plates or worry about having dinner on the table. I can go to bed when I want, wear the same dirty clothes as often as I want, forget to shave, even clean the house at three in the morning if I want. Yes being single had its great points, for once in my life I had to make no excuses for who I was.

Then there was the list, you know the thing everyone tells you to make about what you want in partner. I have a hard enough time making up my mind what kind of cereal to buy, but to say the qualities I want in another partner wow that almost seems judgmental. Sure there are things I would like from someone, like I hope they shower and brush their teeth every day, but I hope that of most people.  When I thought about what I wanted from a partner it was less like a list and more like goals, and not goals from the partner but more like goals in life.

What do I mean, I mean I had things I wanted to accomplish in life and understand not so much things that had to be met. Like I wanted to understand the difference between where dating ended and a relationship began, I wanted to learn how to become a stronger more self confident person when I was with another person, to feel good about myself and continue to learn and grow as a person. To find someone who complimented me and my uniqueness, yet showed me new things that I was unaware of.  When I had completed my goals I gave them away to the universe and never thought about them again and just went about my life, including my dating life, always promising to enjoy never worrying when or where I would find my special someone.

When I did that, it was amazing what a relief it was; I loved my single life and my dating life. I was no longer worried about finding a mate, or how long I would be single.  I felt like I had enough in my life to take care of, to realize this one thing was a huge pressure. Suddenly my dating life took off, all my dates were fun and I met the most amazing people.  People stopped asking why I was still single, it suddenly was ok that I was unattached and dating, for some reason it was as if their questions were already answered. Dating gave me a chance to learn about myself, gave me a sense of empowerment, self confidence and the ability to communicate with people.  Slowly I began to understand people and gained a whole new understanding of how complicated human interaction really is. It was an amazing time that I will never forget and will always be thankful to have had the chance to experience.

Then one day as if it was all a dream, a man that had been my friend for months suddenly became the love of my life and the missing piece of the puzzle.  Everything changed in my life; I was no longer dating and single but now part of a pair. Did he fit perfect into my life no, no one can do that. But did he fit into my goals? Yes he did, he understood me in a way that no one has ever done before, loves me unconditional, and completes me, that is all I ever wanted. Plus he came at a time when I really needed him the most, not when I thought I needed him but when I really did need him.  So if you ever wonder why you are single, maybe you need to throw out your lists and instead make life goals then just give them to the universe and go on with your life knowing when you are ready in your life you will find your love.


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