H1N1…Why not just go out and get some?

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So, I was going out to get Dunkin Donuts Coffee the other morning, next door to the Dunkin Donuts I go to is a Bank of America ATM Machine. I slid my card into the door, the little buzz went off, and I pulled the door open. Upon going inside, I thought to myself, “Oh, what I qaint little money box. I wish all boxes I went into would give me money.”

Of course, then I walked up to the loveable ATM machine. A machine all of us love sometimes, and hate others. When we have money for it to give us, we love this machine. When it informs us, that our funds are isufficient, we curse it, and kick it, and re-enter our card 30 times over and over again, for it to tell us, that we don’t have any money for me to give you human. You’ve exhausted your funds and I am not permitted to dip into any other resources to offer you some moola man. Do we blame ourselves for the lack of funds??? NO! We blame the machine, we leave the money box, kicking and screaming…I digress…

I began fingering the machine, you know, to turn it on, after I slid my card in it, and began keying in my request for $40 american dollars. And I began to make some very SERIOUS connections. Its flu season, and the H1N1 flu strain is supposedly going to be infecting most of the U.S. and World population this fall. The government, well, they know we need money and we go to ATM’s to get it! So basically, when we need to get cash, we could also contract the swine flu!! Because EVERYONE is touching this machine…and im sure no one maintains cleanliness @ an ATM machine…So, we, American’s, are giving each other swine flu…in return for cash!

Now Ive been thinking about this lately as well….we are spreading swine flu too easily, it starts with ATMS…but there are other enemies in our fight against the swine,  that are going to systematically eradicate our entire population with boogy filled noses and vomit and the irritation of a fever….maybe even a minor headache from the time to time during the five day lifespan of this flu bug….such as….newspaper boxes……oh yes, another sqaure item that every human hand touches in the morning. Strip Clubs…thats right, strip clubs are spreading the swine flu, because infected parties are putting their infected dollars from the infected ATM machines into the thighs and reproductive areas of strippers. Its a dangerous place! Strippers are then taking the swine flu home to their cats….sad state of affairs…

There our other enemies……thats right….more enemies in the fight on R2D2’s cousin…H1N1…..Kanye West is an enemy and carrier of H1N1 Flu Virus. One effect of H1N1 is a big F-in mouth and stupid comes out when it opens. We must become immune from Kanye West with a anti-stupid vaccine called books.

Also, breathing is also an action known to spread the swine….so, anytime you leave the house…please hold your breath until you are within at least 1 mile of another human being. Its okay, Yes…17 minutes is totally possible.

Also, please abstain from any intimate contact like the French have adopted…No kissing, rubbing, foreplay or intercourse. Please wrap yourself up in bubble paper and scotch tape. If you accidently kiss, rinse your mouth out with hydrogen peroxide IMMEDIATELY…then lock yourself in the closet until the swine flu passes through your family and friends.

One of the other major culprits is PIGS. SWINE and BIRDS….So, anytime you see a pig or bird, Kill it and eat it. Cook it first of course. Enjoy lots and lots of bacon. Eat sausage…and Pork Rinds. Have ham steaks every single night, and don’t forget to bleed the pig out first.

Whatever you do, DO NOT get the H1N1 vaccine. All joking aside, it is RIDDLED with things BAD for you. Nanoparticles that can harm your lung function and kill you faster then the swine flu ever could. Mercury is part of the a concoction to make the vaccine work faster, mercury is KNOWN to be harmful to the human body….a Guillian Bar Syndrome causing chemical is in the vaccine, GBS is a NERVE illness that results in PARALYSIS!!!

DO NOT GET THE VACCINE…the swine flu will kill LESS people then the REGULAR FLU does…its just another damn cold. Just stay inside, lock yourself in the closet with at least 35 stuffed animals from your childhood that are just collecting dead skin cells from your room, and keep away from money. GOLD is actually a great source of wealth in this economic crisis because it doesn’t spread swine flu from the use of ATM machines and newspaper boxes…

Personally, in regaurds to swine flu, instead of getting the vaccine and dying from that, why not just go out, give swine flu a call, bring some flowers, maybe it’ll be nice, and just get some swine flu. Its safer then the vaccine…you have a 1 in 90,000 shot of dying. You have a chance at full recovery in about five days, sort of like the REGULAR flu….and once the swine flu is gone, guess what??? You’re body healed it, killed it, and made a nice vaccine for it, all right inside your body without mercury or gasoline, or anything harmful that can cause a deadly paralysis causing disease. Isn’t that amazing?!?!

Pretty much folks, go get some swine flu, roll around in it, eat it, make love to it, stick it in your ATM machine…wipe your behinds with it, clean the bottom of your feet with it, clean out your ears with it, use it as a hair gel, a shaving cream and milk product….okay?! Wash your hands with it. Lick some swine today! You’ll be safer then if the vaccine needle penetrates your indoctronated hides. Wake up….



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