That fellow you have been covertly admiring, out of the blue asks you out. Hardly believing your own luck, you say yes. Well, how much time did he really need, for goodness sake. You were starting to doubt if he would ever notice.
Well, did you stop to think that maybe, he’s just a bit shy? Most men have just as many doubts about themselves as you do, life just doesn’t happen like it does in the movies, really. Those men that are overly sure of themselves and their own attractiveness – are up themselves anyway. Being a bit shy, is a bit cute.
So, what about this first date. You are both nervous and this is only natural, possibly, he is a little more so than you.
Does he seem a little jumpy, too quick with inane answers? Or maybe, he seems to just have nothing to say. For some men, the first date can be paralysing and a little help, from you, will probably get things rolling. Now don’t start whinging about having to make the first move with conversation, if you want movie type perfection – you are going to be a long time lonely.
Usually, the first date involves an ice-cream in the park, or spending dinner with a lot of sharing. A walk in the park, or anywhere, is a great idea for a first date, for the both of you. There is always something to comment on – trees, flowers, squirrels, other walkers, etc. This will also lead the conversation naturally on to similar subjects, such as hobbies or interests, interesting associated stories, and such like.
Dinner, Lunch Dates.
Dates like these just need a little jump-start to be more effective. Establishing eye contact with your date will let him know that you are listening, at the very least, look straight at him. Men are instinctively attracted to womens faces, in particular, the eyes.
To start things off, tell him about yourself, the stuff you want to do and the things you want to try. Then ask his opinion on these matters, as in “What do you think?”. If he shows interest, but no knowledge, you could say “You should come with me sometime, to ‘whatever’ it is”. This will instantly put him at ease, by giving him the knowledge that you are not just here for a free meal – and want to see him more than this once. Generally, once you get the conversation started, he will join in, a little bit at first, then more as confidence builds. Shy men need to be coaxed into open conversation, so patience is necessary.
Ask him something specific about himself, like what hobbies he has, etc. Steer clear of sports, or cars (unless you too are into it). One thing you can guarantee about most men, is that they love talking about themselves. There is a reason for this, males need to impart as much positive information (to their minds) about themselves as they can, in order to prove to the prospective female, you, that they are a good catch. Unfortunately more often than not, men just won’t stop banging on about stuff that you have no interest in and even less desire to know about. A male can go from monosyllabic one moment to an out-right bore, in a heart-beat, given the chance. Not many women are aware, but this is very easy to fix.
If your date has gone from mute, to explaining the diameter of the bolts on his favorite “whatever”, the trick is – plow straight through whatever he is saying and start talking about something completely and utterly different. Do not concern yourself about being rude, or offending him, believe me – he will not notice. He is pursuing you. There is nothing that you can do, within reason, that will not be instantly forgiven and probably forgotten in any case.
An important note: if you notice that his eyes start to glaze over, this generally means that you are taking too long to get to the point. It does not mean that he has lost interest in you, just this bit. Men with relationship experience do this, a sort of suspended animation, the “self preservation” part of their brain is keeping track (in case there are questions) and will automatically respond, but the actual animated part of their brain, is thinking about – well, boy stuff – nuts, bolts, numbers, sport, boring stuff, etc.
As everyone is different, and rightly so, there are no real set rules to talking to guys on the first date.