I am so amazed at how little we know about the opposite sex. This is men and women alike. The lack of knowledge of our partners has kept us from being the lovers that we should be.
1) Ask your partner what makes them feel good. Lack of communication can start you down a road of emotional separation from your mate and can lead to total break up. It also sends the message that you only care about yourself and only want your needs met. Being unselfish shows your partner that you love and want to please them. This, in turn, will make them desire to please you as well.
2) Remove stress from the equation. Never approach your partner for intimacy when they are stressed. Stress in one of the top intimacy killers in a relationship. Sometimes we allow stress to keep us from intimacy with our spouse which only feeds our unhappiness. Learning how to relieve your own stress and put the day behind you is a must for any healthy relationship. Help your partner with their to do list can relieve some of the stress and tension that they have with their responsibilities.
3) Produce and environment conducive to love making. Make sure you are clean and smell good. Some mates have a great sense of smell and this can be the first turn off, before you even begin. Brush your teeth, check yourself. Wear the cologne or perfume that does it for your mate. For a woman, I would recommend lightly spraying the inside of his shirt with your perfume in the morning to get him thinking about you all day. Men, lightly dash a hint of your cologne on her pillow. Its amazing what your sense of smell can do for your sex drive. Look the best for your mate. Do not disappoint them by not giving them your best. They are barraged by others who do look good. Keep them focused on you, by being attractive emotionally as well as physically. This prevent them from wandering. Light candles and play soft music. Watch videos together that shows new ways of lovemaking together. Do not let your intimate times together grow stale. Everyone likes hamburgers, but not every day, day after day. Spice it up, think up something new. Make sure they have a full belly. It is hard to concentrate on lovemaking when your hungry.
4) Be courteous and respectful. Pay compliments to your spouse. On their body, their character. Make sure to comment on all the things you love about them. Do not patronize them, be honest, but let them know things about them that you love and appreciate. Everyone likes to be complimented.
5) Be open and honest about your likes and dislikes. Be willing to try new things, but if your partner makes you uncomfortable with a request, explain you want to please them, but this is not something that will be pleasurable for you. Offer other options of things that may be different but enjoyable to you both. I hope these things help you. I have been married for sixteen years and have had to learn a lot of these things the hard way.
You cannot become a great lover overnight, but with great communication and the help of your spouse, you can become an awesome lover!