Awakening To The Experience
Sitting at the kitchen table, I took that first sip of coffee to clear the fog from my sleepy brain. Vapors lifted from the hot cup and steamed up my glasses, momentarily causing more early morning haze. I picked up my pencil and unconsciously began to roll it between my fingers.
“Do I have anything to tell myself today,” I asked, taking another sip of java. “Is there any list to be made that could possibly add structure to the chaos that is my life? Were there any errands I needed to run? What things was I not supposed to forget? My mind is a blank and I know I’m supposed to remind myself to do something today, but what? Who do I need to call, what needs a follow up? Do emails need to be attended to? What bills still need to be paid? What supplies need to be ordered?”
I knew I’d have to dig in soon and put my mark on this day, but I just sat staring at the pencil, still fondling it with my fingers. I watched its worn eraser twisting with every turn and wondered if it could eradicate my past mistakes. Yet, would I really want that? Weren’t those mistakes there to teach me something? Sure I’d had some painful lessons, but the mistakes had been my teachers and the outcome had always been personal growth.
“No,” I thought, “I couldn’t dare erase all those potholes in my life. Tripping and falling had been my norm for many years. Then, I awoke to the realization that I could step over the potholes to make life easier on myself. It was the stepping over that showed me my growth. I’m not stuck in the quagmire any longer. I’d seen each “glitch” for what it really was and moved on.”
Taking another sip of coffee, brain cells began to function more clearly now, I wondered if I’d use the pencil to rewrite my life if I could. “No, I think not,” I said aloud to the kitchen in general. “Sure there have been plenty of messes, heartbreaks, loneliness, rejection, not to mention tons of errors in judgment, but I’ve not only survived all that, I’ve prevailed. I’ve learned to forgive, to forget, and to accept with an open heart. I’ve laughed and cried and laughed so hard I cried. Frustration has brought me to the point of tears at times. There have been many let downs, set back and disappointments, yet I remember laughter winning when I held a mirror up and saw how pointless the problem really was.”
Ah, the stew of life. We add ingredients over the years, stir, mix and test it all. Substitutions in the ingredients of the recipe only allow more interest to the process of inner growth. It all enhances the flavor of ones life path. Emotions mixed in this deep holding tank of the soul have only seasoned over time.
“Now I wouldn’t drive my car while looking over my shoulder at where I’ve been would I? I’d look at the road ahead and focus on where I was and where I’m headed. This taught me to halt my dwelling on the past and concentrate on my “now” and in just “being” in this moment. Actually, that’s all any of us has is the moment we’re in. Today is really the only day I have as far as I know.”
I jotted a note to “self” on the paper before me. This is the day I have, I wrote, no erasers, no pencils, just me and this day! Now, daily bouts of inner discovery widen my perspective, quiet my troubled mind and allow for a deeper connection to my true spirit not to mention a warming within my heart.
I put down the pencil, picked up my cup, cleared the table and then stopped briefly to check the final thought I’d written. There’s no way out but through. Hit life head on, don’t look back and don’t beat yourself up over past mistakes. Open the door that leads to your true self and enjoy every second of the experience.
I put my coffee cup in the sink and headed down the hallway, eagerly looking forward to the experiences this new day would bring my way, ready to adjust to any twists and turns it brought. After all I’ve been awakening to the experience.
Find out more about Judi Jefferies at www.eclecticwriting.com Judi has many published articles and poems under her pen name Judith Alice. Judi is also a Holistic Life Guide www.holisticlifeguide.com and has recently released a CD entitled “I AM – Success With Positive Affirmations.” You can view her blog at www.wisdomsdoor.blogspot.com