Say yes to these drugs
These new meds might help relationships
A RECENT SURVEY said that 64 percent of women in the Asia-Pacific region are dissatisfied with their love lives. I was shocked. How come so few? I have manyclose friends who are women (three. or if my wife is reading this, one) and they all complain endlessly about their relationships.
It Turned out that the survey was conducted by the makers of a famous blue pill which is supposed to enhance love lives, and appendages related to love lives. I am talking, of course, about Viagra, which is now ten years (Ed: find out the “marital_truth” about Viagra on RD Health, page 143). At a dinner party recently, I was surprised to hear women name it as a break-through that has improved the lives of women in Asia. But isn’t it for men?
“Men take it for women,” a 40-something woman explained. She and her friends then went on to brainstorm ten other drugs that needed to be developed and “force-fed” to males.
New Drugs For Men (By Women)
1. Anniversia: Triggers memories of birthdays and wedding anniversaries while simultaneously loosening spending inhibitions at jewellery shops
2. Verbiloose: One spoonful of this before dinner will make a man willing
to talk about his feelings for 20 whole minutes.
3. Slendavis: Widens and flattens the male cornea, making wives appear
slim and willowy
4. Belchex: Adds a terrifyingly foul taste to stomach gas making men
scared to burp, or let loose any other gas from their body.
5. Aspirude: Small white tablet that prevents men from telling off-colour
jokes at dinner parties.
6. Combovex: Shortens hair at the sides of the head, so men cannot make
themselves look silly by combing locks over their bald spot.
7. Sportoblind: Reacts with the optic nerve to prevent men from recognis ing the word “sports” on the TV schedule
8. Gadjesterol: Deadens the area of the brain that makes men waste money on overpriced gadgets.
9. Chorocet: Two spoonfuls at break fast and your man will have an insatiable desire to do household chores.
10. Storophobex: A spoonful a day for two weeks will make men eager and willing to go shopping with their
wives and wait patiently in stores -even boutiques and lingerie shops -for an astonishing four hours.
the men at that dinner party were not going to take that lying down. They drew up their own list.
New Drugs For Women (By Men)
1. Shoppiproofen: Two 5-ml doses taken at breakfast will enable a woman to walk straight past stores without entering.
2. Tirelynol: Prevents tiredness and headaches at bedtime.
3.Moodifix: Doubles the length of time a woman stays in one mood before changing to another, that is, from about two minutes to four, if you’re lucky.
4. Canotaddium: Reacts with the left side of the brain to alleviate the intrinsic female fear of maths.
5. Vaniticillin: Enables women to walk past reflective surfaces without checking that their make-up is perfect.
6. Irrationalicet: Helps women maintain a logical argument without drifting off into side issues, such as, “But do you love me?”
7. Pricetagia: Alleviates female blindness to pricetags.
8. Clarium: Enables women to holdand compare two separate thoughts, such as “Why is my diet not working?” and “I think I’ll have some more chocolate.”
9. Slatewypia: A dose of this prevents women from remembering anything their male partner said more than a year ago.
10. Naggicease: Disables the vocal chords for up to five hours.
A doctor at the party said that some of the drugs postulated above may
even be in production already. That’s interesting, because I’ve just remembered it’s my wife’s birthday soon, and I feel this bizarre urge to head to the jewellery shop…