On Love: Attraction, Reciprocation, Fantasy, and Wavelength

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Generally, the beginning of a romance is sparked by physical attraction—the most beautiful pair of eyes, the sweetest of smiles, the loveliest face, and a host of other anatomical superlatives.  As the two mutually attracted people get to spend more time together, intangible factors such as personality, goals in life, principles, social and financial status, and even each other’s problems enter the love equation. From there the love affair either blooms or sputters out.

There’s a fine line that separates being in love and finding true love.  Ideally, falling in love leads to long-lasting love which, as most adults know by now often doesn’t happen.  Recent studies on love found that in order to be in love, a person has to have their love reciprocated somewhat, but not altogether.  At the same time, the person should have a reason to hope that his or her love will be returned totally at some time in the future.

“We’ve known for a long time that fantasy is one of the most important ingredients of love,” says Dr. Tracy Cabot, an American psychologist and author.  Indeed, a person in love has what psychologists call aggrandizing fantasies about the one they love.  A love-struck person talking about his or her lover would most likely describe a flawless, almost perfect specimen of the human race—a classic demonstration of the old adage, “love is blind.”

“True, long-lasting love is built on trust, communication, and shared experiences,” says Dr. Cabot.  “People who are deeply in love seem to somehow identify with the inner core of their mate.”  There are couples who have been married for over 50 years or so, still look and act in tune, and even finish each other’s sentences.  Being lovers on the same wavelength is an admirable quality to have indeed.


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