Love & Hate

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Two dominant feelings which play a very enormous part in our lives are love and hate.  They follow us through the most important part of our lives, as well as the smallest.  They also help determine the quality of our relationships between one another, such as in marriages, or couples in a romantic relationship.  Now what is the difference between the love in a long-term marriage and the romantic love between two young lovers?  And how does hate intertwine?

Love in a long-term marriage seems like more of an obligation instead of the romantic love, which is more pure and idyllic. However, several long-term marriages which happen to be successful and filled with passion, tend to be much more rewarding in the sense of managing to achieve such a feat.  An example of such an extraordinary accomplishment takes place in the movie, The Notebook, when the relationship between the elderly man and woman is revealed.  It turns out they have been happily married for many long years, although the wife developed Alzheimer; but nevertheless, it had been one lifetime of felicity.  As delightful as it may seem, these kind of marriages do not occur often.  Sometimes couples get married in Las Vegas in a hasty attempt to attain a happily ever after, such as in what occurred in Joan Didion’s recount of marriages in the exotic city of Las Vegas in her essay titled, Marrying Absurd.  She briefly mentioned the requirements for such a marriage, as well as a situation in which one hundred and seventy-one couples got married in the night of August 26, 1965.   Unfortunately, these are usually a recipe for disaster.  Marriages, whether they’re long-term or not, have a very low success rate nowadays.  This could be due to the hatred which originates in these false illusions of true love, which leads me to bring up the more naive and yet, sweeter type of love.

The main problem with romantic love is that it causes the two “love-birds” to enter a period of blissful ignorance, in which they are simply not aware of each other’s imperfections, and once an imperfection is revealed, it shatters the crystal-clear image of their “perfect relationship” and all of a sudden, the domino-theory comes into play, thus crippling their relationship at a snail’s pace, and perishing the perfection which tagged along.  That is the tragedy of the romantic’s love, which is similar to what happens in The Break-Up.  After the relationship had started off merrily, the problems started pouring in.  Appreciation between each other decreased drastically.  Stubbornness has increased in order to establish dominance over the other.  And finally, the war of sexes has begun, resulting in only deeper hatred and a split between family and friends.  This is how this kind of love is faulty; it could expire at a moment’s notice without one actually noticing it, and the results are disastrous, yet it is the more common of the two.  People nowadays take love for granted and always wait until it’s too late before they realize what they have lost.  This is a tendency which occurs quite frequently for unknown reasons.  Love is not bound to last forever so one might as well enjoy the present as much as possible.  The romantic love, although flawed, is very pleasant while it lasts, and is good for the experience.

Hate.  Such an awful feeling.  If only the word didn’t even exist.  Hatred can lead to many things and among them, death.  It can also lead to the downfall of relationships, which is very sad indeed.  If hate was not to present itself in any relationships, couples would last a lot longer.  Unfortunately, hatred can spread like a wildfire once it is set loose.  It is very hard to control and is extremely manipulative.  It can cause even the loveliest of couples to break up for the pettiest of arguments.  Some people state that without hate a relationship dies.  I, however, believe that is rubbish.  Happiness and love should be the only thing in which a relationship is based on.  People only think they are not happy until they obtain what they desire, when in reality, happiness is merely the fleeting feeling one gets when one reaches their goal, leaving them with an empty feeling afterwards.  If one thinks about it, the journey is more rewarding than actually reaching the destination, but that is only for the more “shallow” happiness.  The question is, can we do whatever it takes to achieve that brief moment of happiness when we reach our goal?  No.  The right to the pursuit of happiness is a delicate subject in which some people misunderstand its meaning and use whatever means necessary in order to achieve it.  The truth is, the right to the pursuit of happiness was created with the laws in mind to protect the right for everybody.  Happiness must be pursued with the awareness of other people’s right to pursue happiness.  This is the message which C.S. Lewis clearly states in his story, We Have No “Right to Happiness”, which is related to the right to happiness.  He believes that, “behind the laws of the state there is a Natural Law”.

It turns out that not only hate is intertwined with love and marriage, but happiness as well.  Couples must be prepared for compromising and hard-work in order to achieve a successful long-term relationship.  As long as couples keep a steady level of happiness and do not pursue that which they do not need, they would be able to last quite a while.  But then the dullness of a relationship comes into play, which is bound to happen sometime.  If no conflict of any sort occurs sometime during the relationship, one of the two is most likely going to try to make something happen.  It’s in human nature to want more and more, but if we are conscious about our problem, then perhaps there is a way around it.  The first and most obvious option would be to just keep quenching our thirst for more.  The second option would be to find a medium that will keep both happy enough to stay together.  And thirdly would be the option to devote enough time to know more about oneself and discover what truly makes one happy, while at the same time ignoring the need to get more and more.

There will be people who believe that happiness is merely an illusion, but it is not.  It’s a phenomenal feeling when it occurs.  All worries vanish like dust in the wind.  I would feel truly happy at certain times, and when those moments came, I would always feel so care-free and so…alive.  Sometimes it occurs when I least expect it, other times when I achieve a goal, and well…it could happen at any moment.  I wish I could always feel that feeling, for it is absolutely sensational, so never take it for granted, and just live the moment.

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