This time of the year has been very hard for me since my Mom passed away four years ago. It never seems to get any easier, the missing her and the memories of how she always made our holidays special. The love she put into everything she touched for us. Always making each and everyone of us feel loved and special.
This year will be especially difficult for me with mom being gone, and now the two boys. Three very important people who make our family a unit. I know I will at least talk to the boys on Thanksgiving and be able to let them know how much they are missed and loved, but with Mom it is different. With death comes no more of anything except memories!
If only I could pick up the phone and hear her voice on the other end. If only I had one more day to spend with her, and talk, laugh and cry and just be mother and daughter again. I would do anything to have this, but I know it cant happen.
I find myself talking to her a lot and when she stops by for a visit, I can smell her presence all around me. I have been able to do this since she passed away. I do believe in life after death, because personally I think we live in hell, and when we die to heaven we go.
I can remember holidays passed. The night before Thanksgiving all three of us girls would all go to Mom’s. We had potatoes to peel, pies to bake, and laughter to express. The night before was especially important to us all. It was a bond between our Mom and all of us sisters. The girls were on call, to make everyone happy the next day. We would have so much fun. No men were allowed on this night, it was just for us! The one night of the year us woman could kick up our heels while preparing for the events to come the next day.
Every year Mom made my brother a black berry pie. She would go pick the berries in the summer and then freeze them for the holidays. She spent many hours in the woods to make this luscious pastry for the ones she loved. Everything she did was filled with love for her family and friends.
Now Mom was a smoker, she chain smoked always. We would get upset with her sometimes, because some how she could hold a butt in her mouth and let it burn the entire length and not loose the ash. It was so funny to see! Well, one Thanksgiving I can remember my youngest sister Brenda getting all upset cause Moms ash was so long, so Brenda constructed an ash tray that attached to her cigarette, made out of tin foil, so as the ash would not fall into the turkey while Mom was basting it. Hahahaha….we have pictures some place of this thing. Bean’s( Brenda’s) invention! Mom thought it was the greatest thing and thought she should get a patten on it. Guess what it really worked, and Brenda’s worries of ashes in the turkey were gone.
We always had so much fun. Mom was always smiling or laughing, she never seemed to get depressed much. She was such a happy soul, and when you was around her it seemed to rub off onto you. I remember many times I went to see her in tears but always left with a smile on my face. She had great karma and gave so much love and compassion.
Our house was always full for Thanksgiving. Mom would invite folks who had no family and no place to go. She always was thinking of others, not just herself or her family. Mom was one of those people who would give you the shirt off her back. She never had much money, but worked so hard for what she did have, but she always thought of those who had less and was so willing to share. There was always room for one more plate at the table.
Our holidays were filled with love being the main ingredient, and noone ever left hungry. This year for all of us will be the same as the past four that have passed were. We all will miss her, love her, and talk to her, and we all know she is up there driving around in her pink Cadillac that never runs out of gas, laughing and smiling and helping someone less fortunate. Playing canasta with all of her friends and family that have also passed. I know she will check in on us all and I just want to say, Mom we love you and miss you so much!