Stay sane at Walmart this holiday season

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 If you love WalMart shopping as much as I do. Cant find a park for your car. waiting for 15 people(3 on canes and walkers) to cross. No room to move your cart. Bumping people in the aisles. Long lines at the checkout. Your awful close to your final destintion and getting back to the house but the little old lady in front of you is counting out $3.47 in pennies she’s collected over the years. If these things drive you crazy, make you ill, cause mega stress, or bring you to an anxiety or panic attack, you should read this article. It may make the difference in you keeping your sanity or not. This is also sort of a little safety meeting before we embark upon this perilous journey of holiday gift buying at everyones favorite department store.

 Before you even leave the house for this glorious Christmas or Holiday shopping extravaganza at WalMart, always be sure you have eaten right, taken your vitamins and supplements, done your workout for the day if you have one, and are feeling well. Ensure that you have taken all of your normal stress relief steps, if not save your trip for another day. Also if you are sick, tired, ill, hungry, or at the breaking point over anything wait for another opportunity to do this stressful activity.

 Drop to your knees and pray for your God to do his will, This will ensure that you are in good spiritual conditioning for your buying binge or nightmare (whichever it may be to you). Please do not pray for patience for God may grant it and this may make your trip worse(I’ve tried it).  Think and prepare on your way, you know it will probably start before you get to the parking lot (you may be able to park in automotive lot but this is a risky gamble that is not recommended). When you arrive be sure you do not run over that man with the walker, he’s doing the best he can. If you are not handicapped go ahead and park out in the back 40 and walk, this is a great stress reliever and you’re sanity will have a better chance or staying intact. Be sure you grab that cart that just rolled across lot and dented a Ford Mustang along the way because there are probably none inside.You may want to approach with caution because some people actually gun for you when leaving parking lot(not sure if this is to try and keep you from the misery or just frustration).

 Now that you’ve made it inside lets take a moment of silence for prayer(this will have to be in public because even the restroom line is a 45min wait). Ok, lets proceed with caution always remembering to scout out escape route and detours in case a fight breaks out or an accident occurs on aisle 98( kitchen goods ). You also must know that when, in consumer electronics buying that Ipod, tv set or Nintendo Wii game system you must beware. Hardware is usually pretty quiet, especially if you are around the paint mixing station. You might make this your rally point as if you were on a military mission.

 Now that we are in the thick of it. Remember that when bumped by another pedestrian shopper be polite and try your best to avoid log jams(these things are very fustrating to me). Now some of these guys are profesionals and if you see aggressive shopping cart strategy in play be sure to get away from that at all costs no matter what. Do we have everything? Rest assured that there is a reason behind them having 70 registers and only 6 cashiers(if they did not they would send them to a store where they were needed). Lets proceed to checkout, you may as well take the first line you see because they are all gonna take at least 45min. There are going to be movies, books, candy, cakes, magazines and all sorts of impulse buying materials in plain sight. Do not get caught in this trap, it always makes me feel bad afterwards anyway. Now we are so close now that we have to keep our cool. No negative comments toward cashiers because this resignates through the crowd and could cause a riot. Also the poor child probably does not make enough to feed their family nor has health insurance so cut them a little slack. I’m sure they do not want to be there either.

Well since so many people are reading this I may as well plug myself in the meantime… You can stay at home and shop on ebay or an online store like You could even buy and run your own website by going to just sign up and build your own!!! This cuts out the whole Walmart experience all together… Now pray once again before your escape. Just follow the exact steps for approach and your departure should be a smooth one. Thanks for bearing with me and I hope you enjoyed this and learned a little something from it. Sincerely written, Christopher Parker


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