When I look in the mirror

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When I look in the mirror,

I see a woman that is broken.

Disconnected from the world she lives in.
Someone who should be at peace,
but refuses to be set free.
Somehow she feels she deserves what is happening to her.
Somehow she was the one to determine her own helpless fate.

As I stare at her she seems broken

and beaten by the storm that surrounds her.

I wonder if the things that she’s done in the past are starting to catch up with her.

Her carless ways and leading a destructive lifestyle.

Are they finally catching up to her?

I see her trying to give it to God,

but is unable to completely give it over to him.

Her heart is in the right place but she is a slave to her own will.

The will to punish herself.
She was insecure and lonely back then

living vicariously through the lusts and will of men,

hoping that they could satisfy the emptiness

that dwelled inside of her.

Feeling loved at night and shameful in the morning.

Not including aborting two of God’s precious gifts;

for that, he took the one she really wanted.

Today,

she has everything she’s ever wanted.

A second chance at trying to make things better,

but can’t let go of the past

that haunts her, and that is now catching up with her.

“Give it to God.” She tries to tell herself, but questions herself,

“Can I really be forgiven for such things?”

She feels like she’s being punished,

but it’s just not enough.

I believe that God will forgive her,

she just has to learn to forgive

herself.

copyright © 2008

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