Life would be so much easier, if the female would stop and realize that there is nothing wrong with not having a date. A bad date is far worse than no date, and that we, as females, are quite capable of finding happiness without a male by our side. Thankfully society is making advances in gender biases and they are not as predominant now, as when I grew up. They have a way to go, but will only progress, when we do so individually.
We as women make huge self sacrifices to make those we love happy. We need to learn to indulge our own wants and needs from time to time, and not feel guilty about it. When a woman works as hard as, or harder than her mate, and rushes to the store and then home to cook dinner for her mate, as if it is his right and her duty, she begins to resent him. He takes his seat of honor in front of the television firmly holding the remote, as she scurries from the kitchen to the living room to both make conversation with her mate, and prepare his meal simultaneously. He has earned the privilege to relax in front of the TV. But what of her? Why does his work day come to a screeching halt, when he punches out, but hers just continues to roll on (and on). This is not healthy for their relationship. If she, on occasion, brings home take out, she should not apologize. Would he? If you want your mate to stop treating you like a door mat, you need to stop being one. Ask for his help in areas of the home. Be specific. Such as, I will do the laundry, but I expect you to put it away. We resent men for expecting so much from us, but expecting them to read our minds is also unreasonable.
We are just as unreasonable, when we expect them to supply all of emotional needs. We can stroke our own egos. When you try to find happiness through someone else, you are living vicariously. You have made someone else responsible for your emotional well being.
This is not fair to either of you. Individuals need their space. They also need to identify their unique gifts and enjoy their own interests.
Males have not been trained extensively in the art of nurturing, as females have been, and yet we look to them for our sense of self worth? We are depriving ourselves by looking in the wrong place. If we would stop and examine the situation, we would realize that we embody many good qualities. Our mate extolling our virtues does not make it more or less so. . Do not see yourself through someone else’s eyes. List your qualifications somewhere that you can read them. Any time that you are feeling unsure of yourself, pull out that list and read it to yourself. Hey girl, you know you are pretty terrific. You are a wonderful, caring, and dependable friend. You are supportive of your mate, and a loving parent. People seek you out for advice, and come to you to discuss their problems. You put a smile on your friend’s face, when they are feeling down. You get the drift. . Go ahead, pat yourself on the back, and while you’re at it, do something totally self indulgent. By nurturing yourself, you are actually doing an act of kindness for your family, so don’t feel guilty. Take the night off, and enjoy a movie, read a good book, or do something you really want to do but have put off, because you have been too busy taking care of everyone else. By doing something good for you, you are participating in your own renewal.
If you keep giving of yourself without taking thought of yourself, soon there will be nothing left of you to give. Do not waste time waiting for someone to come along and stroke your ego, feed you compliments, appreciate you, fix your dinner, run your bath and so forth. You are building inner resentments, as you wait, and (even if you told them) no one has a clue. It’s up to you to appreciate yourself and to set limits on what you are willing to do for others and what you want in return. Not only are men bad at nurturing, they also failed mind reading. Women are great at nurturing, everyone but themselves, that is. We must learn to protect and respect our “source”, our inner being. It is from us that life springs. God created us to be man’s help mate – not his “do it all mate.” Back up, and let someone else pick up some of the slack, and remember we are still valuable, even if we do not make 90% of the contributions.