You may tell yourself your situation is different. You may think because your loved one is not laying in some gutter on the streets of some large metropolitan city, they have a college degree for gosh sakes and make an darn decent living, we could not be the same as the prostitute on the corner. The only difference between your loved one and them is that the prostitute on the corner no longer has a cover up. Get this in your head covering up the problem will not make it go away. If your loved one is addicted you may be overly sympathizing with their reasons for their troubles. You may believe your situation is different because you are dependent on them for financial or some other form of support or because you believe your family does not have these kinds of problems.
You may tell yourself he doesn’t rob anyone on the street, she works full time, we come from a good family or, but we go to church every Sunday. It is down right embarrassing when you finally come to the conclusion that your loved one behaves the way they do because they are addicted to some substance or compulsion.
I could win a bet placed that most of the people who will be reading this are the codependent of a addicted relationship looking for a way to help their addicted loved one.
Being a part of a large on line recovery group I have heard just about every excuse in the book for why someone’s situation is different.
- They were abused as a child (so I need to be more patient)
- Their ex won’t let them see their children (so I need to take care of their relationship with their children)
- Nobody understands them (so what!)
- They are too sensitive (too bad)
- They are getting the raw end of the stick at work (it is up to them to develop their own business and career)
- They are depressed
- blah blah ba blah
If you are addicted you may be blaming your work, parents or other significant others in your life for your addiction. Get real you are in the drivers seat it is all yours. If your behavior is hurting your family or putting your job at risk and you and YOU don’t stop it who will or can? Get over yourself!
For the people who live with them when are you going to get real? Do you want to help them or do you want to keep living in misery? You can’t help them if you put up with and support their using. You better get some boundaries and stop bailing them out of every mess. You better get yourself some boundaries and find out how you contribute to this problem. Addicts live with people who run the show and take all the responsibility if you don’t think you try to control the addict in your life you had better think again. Face your controlling manipulating ways inspires an addicts behavior it is part of the problem. The only part you can solve is the side you are on.
Some of the best people I have ever met are addicts and alcoholics so don’t go talking bad about them they are actually human beings. They are often the funniest, most talented, best looking, best educated, and capable of making huge sums of money. Still they have this problem. Addiction is a trap and it is scary to everyone including the addict. You can not force them to change.
You can change yourself and you can get your priorities straight no matter which side of addiction you are on. Thanks for reading this take care and God bless.