Once you decide to go through a divorce, you need to be able to communicate and talk about where the children will go. Do this privately without any of the kids around. Once you two can agree on where the kids will go and when, and iron out all the fine details, then it’s time to tell the kids.
As upset as you are, you need to try and hold it together for the sake of your kids. Choose to tell the kids together, but each child individually. If you tell the kids at the same time, they might not be able to totally voice their opinions and get out how they feel. Or if one is more vocal, they may scare or give the other children worries they might not have had before it. It’s just best to both be there, but to speak to each kid on their own.
Let the children get out all their questions and thoughts. Don’t discount their feelings. Answer all their questions and make sure they feel secure. Make sure they know who they will live with, and when they will see the other parent. Also make sure the kids aren’t feeling bad for the parent that will be without the kids.
Once the kids are told, and the separation is in place, you may go through a very tough time, and grieve the relationship. You will also go through a period where you might hate your spouse. No matter what you are going through, make sure your interactions with each other are civil in front of the kids.
When you are able to get over the hurt and pain, make any effort you can to rebuild a friendship with your ex-spouse for the children’s sake. Never fight, argue, accuse, etc, in front of your children. Always be civil and try to continue a friendship.
Your kids will feel a lot better if mom and dad do get along.