How To Protect Yourself on Dating Sites – 3

Some of you might feel very uncomfortable with the tips I’ve given. You may talk about ‘honesty’ and ‘trust’ and ‘what is the point of joining a dating site if you are going to lie?’

The fact is, it doesn’t matter if your email is DianeLewis@gmail.com or Dede@hotmail.com or onetwothree@yahoo.com, does it?

The person who is corresponding with you doesn’t care what your email is any more than you care what his is. It’s just an address.

Secondly, the fact you have created a different account on your computer where you deal with dating events makes perfect sense.

Surely if you were doing work at home you would have a special user on your computer so as to keep all work related items separate and safe.

Thirdly, by having email discussions about things that matter to you, avoiding personal information is only common sense when you are looking for compatibility.  What difference does your hair colour make? If he’s not interested in what you are interested in all that is left is physical attraction, and you know how fleeting that is.

If he has a problem with onetwothree being your email address or with your delay in obeying his demand you go to I.M., great.  One less control freak.  One less bad experience.

If he can’t carry a conversation in a basket, if his emails are no more than demands to go to I.M. or send photos, you have protected yourself from a very unpleasant encounter.

When I began to investigate dating sites for the purposes of an article I used a real email address and allowed myself be talked into using an I.M.

I picked up a stalker fairly early.  

He began with a slurry of emails.  When I logged on in the morning, my inbox would have ten messages from him.

He would get on Skype and squat there. As soon as I logged on he would demand I communicate with him.  I couldn’t talk to my other friends. I had to disable my Skype so that it would not connect as I logged onto the computer.

This is uncomfortable; clearly, my inbox became his personal dump, communicating with others on Skype was made very uncomfortable because he demanded my attention.

He then invited himself to visit me.

Now I live in Jamaica, in a local area. Visiting me uninvited is a non-insurable risk.  The fact that this character was anxious to get an all expense paid vacation in my house was awesome.

Here was someone I’d just met, who couldn’t conduct a conversation, who had no ideas of my views on important topics, yet wanted to come across the Atlantic and stay with me.

Now I admit, if I lived in New York or London or a small town in some first world country this would be scarey.  He could ‘get’ to me.  He could get my phone number, he could ring my door bell.  If I lived in a 1st world country.

Yet, despite the protection of geography,  he had moved into my life to the extent that being online was uncomfortable.  I virtually dreaded turning on my computer and connecting to the Net.

How had I put myself into this vulnerable situation?
My first analysis went to the dating site.

Outside of us both being alive there wasn’t much in common. The screens of questions I answered could have been left blank for all the ‘matching’ that was done.  Not educational acheivement, not careers, not background, we had nothing in common; hence; there had been no ‘matching’.

I had been led to believe some process had been gone through which selected these particular persons from a batch of thousands. It was this belief which had made me more forthcoming that I would have been on a bus meeting random strangers.

“…based on our rigorous xyx Dimensions scale… your match has been carefully selected from millions of candidates. With this level of compatibility, we believe you two will have a lot to talk about and may even find true love together….”

I believe most people read something like the above and in the belief they were carefully matched so let down their guard.

Hence, this was why I exposed my email, why I went to I.M.

This is why I exhort you not to do it.

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