Chronicles of a Single Mother – Realization Point

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Quiet….I am up before the rest of them. I can only hear the sounds of the house…. To the right the ceiling fan squeaks while the blades spin through the rotating air around it. Behind me central fan blows a soft constant, and to the left a coffee pot hisses, and brews. I take a sip…

Yesterday, I remembered how possible it is to be a confident, encouraging, right where I need to be single mother. It was an awesome reminder of reality. Maybe the thought of being single needs to go out of the mind. Maybe even having the word there enables me to drop into the void of loneliness, and all the sudden I am alone. It’s easy to become overloaded and dependant on staggered self pitying thoughts. Playing into these emotions can drowned out the beautiful tale of life. .I don’t want to miss out.

I know that I need to love myself, I am finding that taking a step back finding a way to get a bit of quite time is key for me. I need this so that I am okay. And that is okay, I am not a bad parent for wanting to escape. I am a bad parent if I don’t give myself a minute or two here and there, then take my frustration out on my children or others around me by reflecting a pitiful attitude.

Today, I am a different person. I am who I want to be, I am who I say I am. And my children are who they want to be. I am turning off the noise that burdens my thoughts about being a single mother, how hard it is, I reached my breaking point, and now I am at a realization point. Thank God that the mind can change and bend. I am not expecting anything out of my children today. I will not expect anything that I shouldn’t expect from myself. If I can’t do it, or won’t do it why should I expect them to. The laws of influence are strong; practice what you preach, others will fallow.

When I clean up their room, I am challenging myself to find love in that, without a thought about how they should be keeping it clean, or gripping aloud about the chore in which I have taken on for them. I want to enjoy doing all of the dishes. When my children begin to fight amongst each other. I will stop whatever it is that I am doing and go hug them and find a game that involves us all. And smile at them. Encourage them to love one another by showing love in my face, my words and my actions.

Wanting the house in the order that makes me feel comfortable is my problem, not theirs. They didn’t ask to be born to keep the house clean. Worrying that someone will come over and see disorder is my problem not theirs. I have these issues to work on if I can’t fix it maybe it doesn’t need to be fixed. Again these are my problems and my children have nothing to do with it.

I have always understood that children reflect the environment in which they are surrounded. The messages of stress that comes off me is inevitably sinking into them, I am there teacher! They are learning how to live by me. That alone is a scary enough thought to nip the negative thinking in the bud. I deserve to love them; I don’t deserve their love or obedience. I am making a positive deposit in the account of my children’s emotional pocket book, as well as my own, by remembering that we are what we say we are, we can do what we say we can do. And I choose to radiate love!

When I clean up thier room, I am challenging myself to find love in that, without a thought about how they should be keeping it clean, or gripping aloud about the chore in which I have taken on for them. I want to enjoy doing all of the dishes. When my children begin to fight. I will stop whatever it is that I am doing and go hug them and find a game that involves us all. And smile at them. Encourage them to love one another by showing love in my face, my words and my actions.

I have always understood that children reflect the envornoment in which they are surrounded. The messages of stress that comes off me is enebitably sinking into them, I am there teacher! They are learning how to live by me. That alone is a scary enough thought to nip the negative thinking in the bud. I deserve to love them, I don’t deserve their love or obedience. I am making a positive deposit in the account of my childrens emotional pocket book, as well as my own, by remembering that we are what we say we are, we can do what we say we can do. And I choose to radiate love!

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