One month has passed by and different kind of feelings I have felt. There it was this guy, let’s call him Randall who came to be the opportunity of something else in the stupidiest sense of the way. Because how can that happen if he lives far away, we were dreaming. I was dreaming. There it was also another one who almost proclaim to be in love or at least he has thought seriously about me (He said) and even though I was doing the same thing with Randall; Roy scare me a little away with that. I kept him as my kind of friend. He is planning to come over here and nowadays I can’t stop thinking why is not you who is coming to visit me. Then there’s you. The one, who I can tell almost anything. I have also had this feeling of loving you and not loving you. Because I know it makes no sense at all. But I don’t know. Have I told you about that dream I had, the one where I was on my bed and turned and there you were too? It has happened again lately, a couple of times and you talk to me. Remember the time you said you have thought about it and then you tell yourself: “She lives far away and the age difference, it sounds nice but it makes no sense, remember? Well before you said (write) anything; I dreamt of you and you almost said the same stuff. Of course it hasn’t happened again exactly like that. That’s why I keep writing that I was expecting something else. You are the only guy I have told that story about the worst thing and I really think you are going to be the last one. My God, I really want to write that I love you! Then I regret it, but not so much, because there you have it, in print. Thank God that you can say the L word to friends or else; I really don’t know. Oh God!, something it’s really wrong with me. I need a life of my own, the bad thing is that my truly life is going to begin completly until almost the end of this year. Please help me. Break my heart in pieces, then put them all together but please forget this peace that I’m talking you about. I’m really sorry, I’m putting all of this on your shoulders. Maybe it’s that time of the month. I guess now I truly need to read “God on a Harley” again. Another person out there would tell me to stop writing you, but you know; that’s even worst. Because I preffer to have some than nothing at all even though that lately I have felt some cold from you or maybe you are just tired, maybe I’m seeing things where there’s nothing to see. And even though I have said it before, this will be the last time I talk about this my friend. Yeah my friend, that’s the way I need to see you. Please keep writing, you are something so special in my life; that the thought of loosing you breaks my heart in two. Still be there in the morning. I know this is too much for one guy to take, I really promise this is the last time I mention that a feeling like this has been one of the greatest pleasures in my life and the hardest too. Because of the no sense situation. I think at the end I did one of the activities. The one that says: Write a letter that you wouldn’t have the courage to send. Kisses: M
This is what he thought:
You know, even if my letter is short I could never be a blank page with you either. There is always more I want to say but I feel I shouldnt. There is always something I forgot to mention for whatever reason. I am truly sorry if I have seemed cold. I never want to seem short or unkind with you so let me know if I do something because Im not always the best at catching my own mistakes. I hope you know that you could never be a headache to me. Remember your my medicine, you are helping what ails me not adding to my problems. Just being able to have an open and honest conversation with you makes me forget the bad days at work and the things that keep me from sleeping.I wish I could say all the things I feel in a song or better yet a book because it is very complex the way I feel about you. That is all for now. Im off to dream of the adventures we might have, and dont worry Im still gonna be here in the morning.