Want to lead a very long married life ?
Congrats ! You just got married and probably would be going on a week long honey moon a few hours hence.
Did you ever hear of a saying, “Marriages are made in Heaven?” Sounds strange, doesn’t it? Many don’t believe it and consider it a myth of sorts. “God is a very busy person. Why would He worry about my marriage and life thereafter?” they might say. No, my friend, you are wrong. If I tell you that it was He who had fixed your marriage, you might laugh reflecting, “Listen. I didn’t involve God at all in this task. I picked out Nancy on my own and at my own intuition. Yes, it’s true my parents did lead me to this young lady” and so on. Wrong again. If God hadn’t willed it, your marriage with Nancy wouldn’t have materialized at all.
You would have heard of many stories of a certain marriage being called off at the last moment for no particular reason or for flimsy reasons? Sometimes, you go on looking for a nice man, you sight one and then he slips out after a few dates, again for no special reasons. I know of a girl, a pretty girl at that, who had “seen” twelve young men and rejected them all. And she was constrained to accept the thirteenth candidate who was nowhere close to a number of rejected aspirants. Don’t you think the 13th gentleman was God’s choice for Monica? [In India, most of the marriages are ‘arranged marriages’ whereof it is the parents who identify the prospective candidate. The groom and bride are allowed to see each other in a ‘seeing’ ceremony. Of course, the Boy or Girl has the privilege of saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the other despite the parents’ approval]
So, when you walk along the isle after officially marrying him or her, do remember that God has blessed your union and He has given you the best partner in the world. If that was God’s way of thinking oughtn’t you to live your married life to the full till death do you part? Some fickle minded chaps would want to divorce the spouse after the first tiff and go in for someone else. If you resort to this step, it would amount to challenging God’s decision on the assumption that God could have made a mistake. No pal, God never makes mistakes. But unfortunately, when you do decide to part ways, God doesn’t stand on your way. He might in all probability convey to you, “Go, try another spouse, who will be far worse than the one I had given you.” According to several flash backs, many young men and women have regretted divorcing their first spouse and they never found real peace or pleasure in the latter life.
Now we come to the brass tacks. On your wedding night, you need to promise to each other that both of you shall live together for a life time, come what may. This is a vital decision. In spite of such determination, don’t expect your life to be dinky dory. There will be problems, there will be disagreements and there will be quarrels. But, make up immediately and never harbour any of these incidents in mind. Stowing away a grudge or a feeling of revenge in your heart, is the greatest enemy of a happy married life. Always forget as fast as possible any bad occurrences and behave normally from the very next moment. Keep telling yourself again and again, “I have to live with her/him for some 80 years. So, why not make the best out of this life? He/she is the best and most charming man/woman for me.”
This is the prescription my wife and I have been using. We are now 56 years old and hope to celebrate our diamond jubilee, God willing, in less than 4 years from now. Don’t conclude that our life of 56 years of togetherness had been trouble free and smooth sailing. Not at all. We did have disagreements on some issue or the other; we did have fights over some point or the other and possibly used acrimonious words too in the process. But, all those were forgotten in the next moment and never ‘saved’ in our memory store either. We don’t ever ask, “What did we fight on? Who won? Did I use any harsh words?” One day just for the heck of it, I asked my wife, “What row did we have this morning, darling?” “Row?” she said screwing up her forehead. “When on earth did we have one of any kind? I can’t recall any at all?” They all became ‘closed cases’.
We have no personal secrets of any brand. You shouldn’t have any either. If you had had a bad time in your work place, share it with your spouse. If you had promised something to some friend, tell your wife about it. She will come to know about it anyway and that’s the beginning of mistrust. Don’t hide any information however minor, from the other. He/She must know everything. Your lives must be an open book and completely transparent.
Whatever you do, outside the professional life and time, always do it together. I read in some article a suggestion that husband and wife should spend their annual vacation separately. Total nonsense. Don’t you ever fall for that idea. Whatever you do, do it together; whether going to a movie or a social party or a social call on your neighbor. You must stick to each other so solidly that if your wife spends more than 15 minutes inside the toilet, you must miss her !
These are the guidelines for a happy and long long married life. If you have had a bad marriage as of now why not try my prescription? Please forget the past and try the new method. Please have a go at it from this very instant. You will experience so much joy, so much tranquility and so much oneness.