How to Avoid an Abusive Relationships

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  1. In the beginning stages of a relationship there is a dating period, primarily to test the waters and to see if the relationship will blossom into something more concrete. This is the period where both parties are trying to put their best foot forward in an effort to hide potential flaws that could be a turn off. Dating is considered to be the honeymoon stages of a relationship in which case the two of you spend most of your time alone, getting to know one another on a deeper level. It is very important that the two of you come out of the love nest and into society where you introduce your significant other to friends, family member, and coworkers because while you are looking at your lover through “love goggles”, your friends can pick up on the smallest detail in behavior that is unsavory. You can always rely on your real friends to tell you their true feelings about your mate. However, you must make sure the advice from your friends aren’t stemming from jealousy. So proceed with caution.
  2. The next step is to pay close attention to how your boyfriend/girlfriend reacts to certain public situation. Does he/she have a short fuse when it comes to changes in the atmosphere that is clearly beyond our control. This is the step where you observe his anger patterns, does he yell, use profanity, become disrespectful and easily agitated at the smallest things. Does he often blame you for his unhappiness. I was in the parking lot of a hotel and just happened to overhear a couple having a disagreement. It was more like the man was scolding his girlfriend. He was very disrespectful, calling her almost every name in the book and referring to her as a stupid*****, while she stood their quiet as a church mouse. You name it, she was it. The first thing that clicked in my mind is, why are you letting this man talk to you in this manner? I was very upset because we should never have to settle for this type of behavior from any one, I would assume that it is easier to walk away from the situation especially if you’re in a public place. Gather your belonging and walk away even if that means riding the bus or calling a friend to pick you up. You don’t have to ride with someone who clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart.
  3. After you gain insight from your friends about your new mate the next step is to gather insight from the people closest to you such as; Mom or Dad. These individuals would more than likely offer advice or comment on the situation without a hidden agenda. If your family is not disfunctional then they would be a source you could trust.
  4. Beware of signs of moving too quickly in the relationship. If your mate constantly talks of marriage and you have only been dating a couple of weeks, head for the hills! It is too soon to talk about marriage when you don’t know the first thing about this person. If your mate suggests taking long trips away from the city and into the woods, then he is trying to cut you off from all of those who love you because 9 times out of 10 you will be unable to get a strong cell phone signal in the woods. This is just an example. You must give a relationship time to grow, what’s the hurry? If he is a standup guy he wouldn’t be so eager to haul you off to a remote location, not without knowing more about you and vice/versa. He would enjoy your company and take his time getting to know you right where you are. Dating is an evaluation period your prospect should be thoroughly evaluated and analyzed if you plan to spend any more time with him/her.
  5. Now many people think this step is crossing the line when I say this, but it wouldn’t hurt to run a background check on someone you are seriously into. Dating should be treated like a job interview. Employers don’t have a problem running background checks on future candidates for employment, so why should we have a problem with running a check on a future husband/wife. If you are going to have this person in your life for the duration, then you should know if he/she has a criminal history, is domestic violence a factor in his/her history? You want to be certain that your selection in a mate is a safe one. Has there been restraining orders on this person? Is he a dead beat dad/mom? Is there a history of drug usage that has not been prescribed by a physician? It is very important to get to the bottom of your mates characteristics. We must continuously protect ourselves, dating is not what it use to be. I remember a time where you didn’t have to worry about life threatening situations on a date. Nevertheless, we have different venues to promote quick dating I like to refer to as “click-a-date” where people will find an internet dating site, post a profile and in a couple of days you could have a date. I prefer the old fashioned way. If a man finds you attractive he will approach you and take it from their. Wow, how times have changed!
  6. Make sure your mate has not been severely traumatized as a youth. The reason is this, say for instance your mother was being abused by your father and the child witnessed this behavior. The vision of physical and verbal abuse will be implanted in the child’s brain, in which case he will grow up to identify with the abusive characteristics of the father and the daughter would more than likely identify with the characteristics of the mother. In essence, the daughter will attract abusive men. I was engaged to someone who was abusive, however, I had to determine what was the root cause of his abusive behavior. We had a conversation (we were in the honeymoon phase of our dating period) and unfortunately when he was 10 years old he had witnessed his mother being brutally murdered by her boyfriend and as a result, my fiancé’ was easily agitated, angry for not apparent reason and blamed me for everything that was wrong in our relationship. He was a special case, He liked to punch holes in the wall….THIS IS ANOTHER WARNING SIGN YOU SHOULD WATCH OUT FOR!
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