I wrote this letter to my Mom who passed away in 2004.
It’s me. I wanted to write and let you know how deeply you are missed by us all. Yesterday was Thanksgiving as you know and it just wasnt the same for any of us without you here.
Sam called me this morning and said she had a very hard day and just wanted to hide under the covers and sleep the day away. Bll cried on the way home from his mom’s because he misses the holidays spent with you and the whole family together. Brenda spent the day with her family and D went to his girls house and me, well you know what I did, you see and watch over me all the time.
In your absence of human form I never forget you and I love you with all my heart. Each time I see a penny I pick it up and say hello mom how are you. Last week when I wrote my blog about the holidays and family and was crying so hard…when I finished and had the 2 fortune cookie from dinner the night before on my headboard that I decided to eat as my tears fell down my cheek. And when I opened the cookie and it said “your whole family is good…..I know it was you who made me open it at that moment to make me feel better….remember I just started to laugh out loud here all alone in my cozy apartment, just you and me. I may not see you but I know you are here with me. I can feel you and smell you all the time. Like in vegas when I walked into the first casino and your smell surrounded me…remember what I said to you? I do “OH mom you made the trip to Vegas with me isnt it cool? And me and Tena both smiled.
Even though you aren’t physically with me I know you are always with me. I miss you so very much. I miss you putting your arms around me and telling me everything is going to be ok no matter what the situation it always was and is, I miss your lipstick kisses on my forehead, I miss your “I love yous”,because I know how truthful they always were, I miss your potato salad, and your egg and bread concoction at midnight, I miss your smile, your loving touch, your caring ways.
I do know you are in a much better place than Iam right now. I know you are up there in your pink Cadillac with the top down driving all over heaven giving angels with broken wings rides to get them fixed, Ed is sitting in the passenger seat with his white gangsta hat on drinking a beer and smoking a butt, Troya is enjoying the warm breeze through her fur with her tongue hanging out and just being the good dag she always was and watching over you.The car never runs out of gas, and never gets dirty. Nana and Gram pa are also with you and a lot of your friends. I can picture you all sitting around the table Ed singing country music playing the spoons, and you making food for every one and playing canasta…Is Connie asking you if your cheating?????….LOL….I hope so she deserves it! The never ending pot of coffee and you making me peppermint tea.
Stealing loopins from the middle of the highway, planting and working in the flower bed, I bet heaven has such a beautiful garden you have made with every plant imaginable, smell the flowers? I do. Each time I walk into a store that has gardenias in it I stop to smell them and think of you. Each time I hear a country song I think of you. In fact the CD that Mr. Down made for me reminds me of you because I know you would love it as much as i do. I know you would like Mr. Down alot and make him laugh and you would aslo tell him everything will be ok and things will work out, and I know he would like you too, in fact you would like all my friends as you always did and they would love you like there own mom as they always did. I miss you mom….I love you mom, and I will always love you until the day we are together once more. Laughing, singing, dancing and just being together. Tell everyone in heaven I send them my love and miss them all……please mom keep coming to check on us all….we all need to feel your presence and your love that was and still is never ending. You are the best mom anyone could ever have had. You always did your best for us no matter what and in the raising of my own children who loved you dearly I learned that love I show them from you.
You know the holidays are hard for me, but you have a way of making them special. Just like yesterday……it was one of the nicest thanksgivings I have had and I will remember and cherish it forever, even though there wasn’t any turkey or nice smells coming from the oven, no blackberry pie from your harvest in the fall, no tin foil ashtrays made for your butt……it was special and never to be forgotten…..thank you mom for everything you have ever done for me, thank you mom for having me even though sometimes I wish I had never been born, thank you mom for loving me the way only you could love, thank you mom for being my mom …..till we meet again I Love YOU!