Anyone can misread another person. It happens all of the time in the business world. That is why a person is most likely to get fired within the first year or so of employment with a new company. In corporations, it can be a nuisance to pick the wrong employee. When the wrong person is picked in a relationship, pain is sure to follow. If this bad selection process occurs over and over, it is time to examine why the wrong person is consistently picked and how to break this cycle.
Bad partner choices happen when too much emphasis is put on how the person looks.
Picking a partner is like buying a pair of shoes. If you are just aiming for an attractive look, it is unlikely that you will avoid having pain later on. Compatibility is more than just believing that you look great wearing your partner. A sexy good looking person may get your heart pounding, but personality is what weaves the fabric of a relationship.
Too often, good looking people are very aware of their appearance. Because it opens up doors for them, they have often never learned to care about anyone beyond the end of their nose. Continuing to select partners on the basis of looks only will net you many bad relationships in a very short time.
You will make bad selections when you do not find out some background before starting to date a person.
The old saying goes: every marriage starts with a first date. Most people can bring out their “A” game for a few dates to hook a partner. They will be attentive, romantic, and tolerant to their potential new partner. Unless you are into dating random strangers, most of the time, you will have some contact with people who know more than you do about the person that interests you. Ask around and find out about his or her past relationships. The wrong person is not going to tell you what you need to know. Investigate a little before asking for or accepting a first date.
Use group dates to become acquainted with a new person.
Going out for group activities gives you a chance to watch how the person interacts with your friends and others in the group. Make sure that someone is a good enough friend to be honest about the new person. With many eyes and ears on the job, it can be much more difficult to hide bad character issues. Remember Abe Lincoln said, “You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.” Having several group dates will usually open your eyes to potential problems.
Use what you learn to make good choices.
Try not to reject the opinions of others just because you really want to date this person. It is better to pass on a good choice than risk a bad one. If you find that you have missed a great partner, he or she will more than likely be available again before long. If not, just keep looking. Using others with a track record of good relationships to guide you will enhance your chances of breaking the cycle.
Do not rush into a new relationship after a breakup.
Most bad choices are made when you are not at your mental best. This is certainly true right after a breakup or divorce. Give yourself some time to heal. Even if it is hard, waiting six months or a year before entering the market for a new relationship is a good idea. Bad relationships happen when you plunge in without using your objectivity to make a choice. It takes time to get a proper perspective back after a breakup.
Make a list of unacceptable traits or habits.
If there are things that have be particularly bad about previous relationships, use them to build a list of warning signs. Use this list all of the time when evaluating a relationship. When an item from your list appears in your partner, confront the person. If it does not improve immediately and permanently, move on. This list should have items like no physical abuse or humiliating actions or words. The items on this list should be considered deal breakers and not negotiating points.
Avoid the temptation to find a new partner by taking one from someone else.
If your new partner was willing to dump someone to hook up with you, it will probably be your future fate to be on the losing end of this same deal later on. Just because someone else has a relationship with this person does not mean that he or she will make you a good partner. You could be recruiting the bad part of someone else’s bad relationship.