I started out as a stand up rookie in the summer of 2001. Then I had been watching it live for a while at a weekly basis since my friend joined a comedy club in our city and started perform. I was so impressed of his courage and success, and I was also extremely proud of knowing him. One day he said to me:
“Why don’t you try?”
“Me?! Are you kidding?? Of course you are, your’e a comedian…”
Of course deep down I wanted to, but I had no self confidence. My friend kept asking me from time to time, he insisted that it might work for me and I on the other hand didn’t believe him at all. But I was also sick of his nagging, and one day I promised him to try if he promised me to shut up.
Once I promised him I didn’t really know why I said yes. I regretted it but my proud was bigger and I’m rather stubborn, so I decided to get it over with. For a month I was thinking about fun things that had happened to me, stupid commercials and lots and lots of rubbish. I collected and wrote day after day until my brain finally asked if I possibly could consider eating, sleeping and go to the bathroom as an alternative. It showed to be an ultimatum. We had a little quarrel where my strongest argument was that the brain agreed to do this in the first place. Suddenly my urinary bladder made a comment and I lost the discussion.
The day when I was going onstage for the first time is in a big blurr, but I remember having a harsh debate with my brain about the situation. Anguish is also a theme of the day. Since the stand up show was near the ocean I was seriously thinking of beating some world record in swimming instead. But I went on. I was afraid. But I did it. And when I was on stage I heard people laughing, and I thought:
“I like this.”
I really never thought I could do it. But I did. And I surprised myself continuing doing it. After three years the hobby went to a part time job, and now it’s a full time job. I have been performing in Swedish and Finnish television. I have been working at a number of company dinners and stand up clubs through the years.
When I first climbed onstage that summer in 2001, I couldn’t really dream of what I started. Of course, nothing has come to me for free. I have been working hard and I also have payed long trips to meet a public sometimes. I have been forced to work with myself, with my self confidence and self picture, but even though it has been trying many times, it all has been worth it.
But my brain still plead sometimes for a break. So now I’m going for lunch!