How to be annoying inside a theater

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You are the type of person who doesn’t really care about the chick flick you’re about to see. On the way to the movie house, your mind is filled with reasons on how to make an excuse in case your buddy Jack sees you there. You let your girl buy tickets, popcorn and soda while you look around the cinema lobby, staring at those Next Attraction movie posters. In your mind, you’re thinking how Malin Ackerman really looks good in that Silk Spectre suit.

Your girl then grabs you by the arm and pulls you into the cinema.

You walk into the cinema and before getting seated; you stop and look at the big screen. You scoff at the scene and then turn to the people watching behind you. You scan their faces hoping not to see someone familiar. Unfortunately, Buck is there. Apparently, he too, was dragged by his wife into watching this crap. Seeing him made you sit, at last.

You chew the popcorn quickly. You sip the soda hastily. When there’s no more, you ask your wife if she wants more. Of course she does! Hurrah! So you have an excuse to get out and get some more. You take your time outside checking out some chicks pretending you’re there watching that agent-car-action movie that has been showing for two weeks now. While you waste time outside, your girl begins to become uneasy. She turns to the left and to the right, until she totally misses on a scene in the film. With that, she’d decided to watch it all over again on the next screening.

You return with the snacks smirking, you just spent almost 20 minutes outside and these films end really quick. You think you’ve had it but your girl tells you the bad news. Upon hearing that, you hit the armrest, shake your head, and sit lazily towards the end of the seat. That is the first time the person behind you had a clear view of the screen. Now, you get the soda from your girl, and sip like there’s no tomorrow. You finish the whole cup and purposely sip until your straw makes that annoying noise. You hear someone telling you to quit it and you smile. That’s exactly what you want to achieve. Your girl looks at you and you ask her “What?” sarcastically.

You two start to argue, and people from around the theater start looking. You’ve now become more “interesting” than that damn chick flick your girl dragged you to see. You sit straight, scoff, and finally ask, “If you’re not enjoying this, then let’s just go home!” Your girl just nods her head.

On the way out, you see Buck; he’s shaking his head, pointing to his wife with his thumb. He’s still holding the popcorn for her. You smirk and give him the finger. You walk faster than your girl, who although walking towards the exit, is still glancing at the screen; you raise your arms and call to her, “We goin’ or what?” She turns from the screen, and start to walk faster towards you heads down. You feel good.

This is your story, you Movie theater distraction you!

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