Why he does refuse her in the bed

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Why he does refuse her in the bed

brotee mukhopadhyay

It was not clear at the start what had happened with my friend. He seemed to be disappointed and his gloomy face had raised several questions within me. He and his wife are in the academy and they are well established and their only child is doing pretty well in a very good school and is away from them. On my insistence he unfolded why he has been tormented.

It is really something serious. He does not feel interest to respond to the call of his wife in the bed and he just sleeps as a pillow rests beside her. He is only forty one. This has prompted me to find the reasons for which a man in his early middle age may show signs of resignation to the call of sex.

Let me submit the findings in the following lines.

1) Husband and wife may not hold equal opinion in every respect. There is every chance that they may differ on occasions. But sometimes this difference creates an undesirable gulf between them for which they do not exchange views or they do quarrel openly or try to settle to any point. At times, such opinions are very close to one’s bosom, say, the way one of them measures and criticizes one of their parents or the way a woman likes to have a right to relish if she is physically appreciated by any person other than her husband or any other such. Such disagreement may stand as a blockade between the married couple and deprive them to have the joy of the body.

2) If the person is in a genuine crisis in a point of his life, a crisis stemming from a sudden demise of any of his near and dear or from the unusual and reasonless rude behavior of the head of the department in his working place or from a deeper agony caused at the sight of a sudden fall in the position of his brother or sister, he may separate himself from his wife or spouse. This may disturb him with such intensity that he will not be able to extract pleasure from the sexual act until somewhere the crisis is settled finally.

3) This is an era of stress and strain. One is not in a position in most of the time to determine everything before the start of the job and each of one’s programs may not find a desired fruit. But there is enormous speed added to our life and hindrances are numerous and always one is to solve problems and overcome hurdles and always one faces uncertainty and uncertainty. This stress disallows one to reciprocate to the call of the partner in the bed.

4) Another factor is simply biological. One middle-aged husband may suffer from erectile dysfunctioning. His may be a case of premature ejaculation. He may withdraw himself for the simple reason that he knows his limitation in the level of performance, that is, he has experiences that he has failed to satisfy his partner on earlier occasions.

5) Sometimes there are physical problems from the partner also. Some woman has limitation in the vaginal territory and she feels physical pain and not pleasure by any act of intercourse and her terrified face does not approve the attempts of the husband at once.

Again she may not even be physically appealing because of her obesity or small and underdeveloped breasts.

There is also some misconception among the people in respect of the size of the penis of a man. It is generally assumed that a person with a large and fat penis performs well. A man who believes in it lacks confidence from inside and this thought within his stands as an obstacle to finally deprive the couple from heavenly happiness.

6) Some men are addicted to masturbation from the early puberty and psychologically they are more interested in an act of masturbation than in an act of copulation. Thus they have changed their nature at one stage of life. This also stands as a barrier.

7) Hormonal level of the man is another factor. Such case is fewer although. A man with low level of testosterone hormone finds little interest in an act of intercourse and his desire remains in a dried stage. It should be noted that the level of testosterone may become low because of male menopause.

8) A sound sleep is a great demand of the body. Lack of sleep is a curse of course. It lowers the level of performance in all the activities. It also causes great damage to the incumbent by sliding down his capacity of thinking. Intercourse is an act of the body and the body needs to be fit and active and lack of sleep deters it.

9) Libido level of human beings is highly affected by the intake of different medicines. A man who has to take medicines like insulin may become a victim as he will find himself incompetent in the field or a desire for sex he will miss. The same is very true for the patients of depression and true for the persons who are to take medicines for depression.


We live in an age of great scientific and technological development. Men affected by either of the above may consult immediately with a learned and sincere physician in the respective field of psychology or medicine or surgery or psycho-analysis or even with an expert in the field of Yoga.


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