Maybe you’ve recently separated, are in the mists of a divorce, or are in a relationship crisis. Even though it seems that the crisis appears suddenly, in many cases it does not. A relationship crisis usually builds slowly over time with one person caught completely off guard, and the other claiming that they are tired of trying and trying with no change. Many people are baffled when they find themselves in the mists of a relationship crisis, wondering what went wrong! More often than not this causes the person on the receiving end to feel victimized, and they conclude that their partner is to blame. However, I have a different take on this, and have proven time and time again that nothing in your relationship or your life will change until you are willing to change from the inside out! Ok, I can hear you saying right now;
*But, what about my husbands infidelity? That’s what caused our crisis!
*But, what about the way my partner tries to control everything I do?
*But, what about the fact that my partner works so much and is never home?
*But, what about the fact that my partner never spends any time with me?
*But, what about my partners sarcasm, criticism and belittling demeanor?
*But, what about the way my partner argues and fights with me?
*But, my husband doesn’t listen to me!
When you say but; it really means that you didn’t hear a word that I said!
Don’t get me wrong, I am not at all condoning the above-mentioned behavior, but the fact remains that none of that will change until you do! You see, there is an underlying reason for your husband’s behavior, and some of that may in fact rest with him. However, you won’t get him to change by telling him to do so, or by finding fault with what he has done. What if I said to you right now; you are completely to blame for your relationship crisis and you need to change. Did I make you angry? Do you resent me for what I said? Oh yes, I can see the steam coming out of your ears! What makes you think for one minute that you’ll get a different reaction out of your partner? Well, you won’t! You see, people resist change when they are being forced or manipulated to do so, but watch them change in a big hurry when it’s their idea! Its all about change isn’t it? If you could only get your partner to spend more time with you, work less often, be more understanding, more romantic, less sarcastic, less critical, less verbally abusive, less controlling, or completely monogamous then you would have the perfect relationship! The question is how do you get someone to change who feels that they haven’t done anything wrong, or that their behavior is justified? You change the only side of the equation that you can. Yours! Ok, I can hear you thinking again! You’re probably saying; why should I change when it’s his fault, or how is changing my side of the equation going to make him change his behavior? Well, there is no 100% guarantee that it will, but it is my experience that 85% of the time that is exactly what will occur! Let me ask you a serious question for moment, and I want you to ponder it long and hard! If you don’t change from the inside out what will be different in your next relationship or marriage?
Do you honestly believe that the crisis you have found yourself neck deep in will go away, if you don’t deal with the underlying issues? The answer is it won’t! And, in all likelihood you will attract a similar partner in your next relationship!!! You see, it is not a matter of who is right or wrong, but rather a question of whether you want to save your relationship. There is an old saying; “being right doesn’t always go along with being happy.” Therefore, if you are destined to prove that the cause of your failing relationship rests squarely on the shoulders of your partner, you may as well draw up the divorce settlement agreement, or pull the plug on the relationship because that is where it will end up anyway! On the other hand, if you truly want to save your relationship it will take a bit of self discovery and change on your part to do so! You see, this is more about you than it is about saving your relationship, and until you began to view it from that perspective nothing will change!
The Relationship Rehab Coach
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