Generally speaking, it is true that the female elements sense of self is defined through feelings and the quality of a relationship, and the male element is defined through achieving results. However, both men and women contain male and female elements! So, are we really different, and can we create a successful relationship by being mindful of these differences while reacting to our mate accordingly? Let’s examine the hypothetical theory that we can change the dynamics of a relationship by being mindful of the differences in both elements. Bear in mind, the female element generally wants to express feelings and be heard, and the male element is defined through achieving results.
Your partner has begun to withdraw, and has been working longer and longer hours. You feel as if he is never home anymore, and you haven’t spent any time together for months. You have tried subtly suggesting a dinner date or spending some time together, however, your attempts have failed time and time again. The frustration has been mounting on your part, and finally you confront him about it!
Typical female element position
You know that’s all you do is work anymore, and we haven’t even spent anytime together for months! We never go anywhere, and I don’t even know who you are anymore!
Typical male element response
You’re just being sensitive, and besides what do you want me to do? I have to support you and the family! Don’t I?
Positions from balanced female and male elements in both partners
Female balanced element position
You know you have been working very hard lately, and I want you to know that I appreciate you being such a great provider. I don’t know what I would do without you? I want to show you how much I really appreciate you, so why don’t you let me take you out to dinner Friday night?
Male balanced element response
Your right! I have been really working a lot lately! I guess I haven’t been spending much time with you have I? I know you’ve tried to tell me that, but I haven’t been real great at listening. You’re the most important thing to me! Thank you for reminding me of that! I would love for you to take me out to dinner Friday night!
The first response is generally what occurs in a relationship crisis, and the second is the response that each side is hoping for. As you can see, the response that contains a balance of female and male elements is attentive to each others needs. If you could just duplicate this balanced approach in every aspect of your relationship you would have the relationship of your dreams, wouldn’t you! Some literary works claim that understanding the differences between the female and male elements, and being mindful of your response will do the trick!!! I beg to differ on that point! Let me ask you a question; how long do you think you can carry on a charade of being someone that your truly not? The answer is not very long. Trying to walk on eggshells in fear of responding improperly to your mate is an arduous task that will result in complete and utter failure. Don’t get me wrong, the goal is to get in touch with both of your male and female elements, but you won’t accomplish that by being mindful of it. You see, your true self or inner self does contain both male and female elements. However, through societal programming, family dysfunction, and negative self limiting beliefs some men and women tend to gravitate to each matching element respectively, which prevents them from discovering a balance of both. Therefore, to find the true balance of both elements you must create a change from the inside out. This will result in a more permanent change, which will allow you to act from your true self, rather than being someone your not!
So, are men really from Mars and women from Venus? Well, in my opinion, when a man and woman visit both planets respectively, then and only then can they find the magical relationship they’ve always wanted!
The Relationship Rehab Coach
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