Sleeping is My Forte
Hello, Friends, please listen to my lecture which I am going to deliver shortly.You should spare a few minutes to hear me; otherwise you may repent for many years to come for having failed to listen to one of the rarest lectures from a sleeping expert, in a topic of national importance.
Sleeping is my forte; I have got extraordinary skills in sleeping, I have developed it through my perseverance from my childhood days. It was my mother who taught me or rather forced me to sleep by over dozing me with her milk, when I was a baby. Other techniques she used to make me sleep were: 1.Forcing me to have oil baths as many times as possible in a week; 2.Allowing me to play hide and seek as much as possible which made me physically damn tired and forcing me to fall asleep.
As I grow older, I have learnt more and developed my own techniques and sharpened my skills in sleeping. In the ancient literature, I like Ramayana most, because, my favorite hero ‘Kumbakarna’ used to sleep six months at a stretch and no one could wake him up during that period.In the modern times, I like Napoleon Bonaparte, because, I admire his ability to sleep instantly even at the battlefront and wake up in ten minutes and become refreshed. Though, I cannot emulate ‘Kumbakarna’, I am trying to replicate Napoleon Bonaparte. I can even proudly say that I have got even fairly succeeded in it. If I want to sleep instantly, the best method which I adopt is: ‘I take my maths text book and the moment I open it, I fall asleep’ I have even successfully taught this method to many of my friends. They applaud my innovative skill and talent even today.
I sleep not less than 12 hours or more a day and it was I who rewrote the proverb as follows: ‘early to bed but not early to rise.’ By virtue of my forte to sleep for many hours a day, I have become obese and put up weight. I am proud to say that by virtue of my flair to sleep long hours, I did not get entangled in any of my family feuds.
Most people hesitate to travel long hours either by bus or train, but I don’t, because, the moment I board a bus or a train, I fall asleep. Hence, I don’t know the travails of a traveler. But in my office, I used to sleep only for a few minutes after having my lunch and I do not expose my sleeping skills unnecessarily there.
In recognition of my extraordinary sleeping skills, I have been elected as the lifetime President of the International Association of Best Sleepers (IABS). Through our association, we spread the message of secrets of sleeping well far and wide. Some of the best messages we have spread so far are:-
1)Eat well and sleep well;
2)Go to bed early but always wake up late;
3)If you want to sleep instantly, go through a text book of a subject that you dislike most;
4)Never befriend with the people who sleep only a few hours;
5)Follow these therapies to have a sound and long sleep :-
a) Have a bath before you go to sleep;
b) Always go to sleep with a single minded concentration;
c) Observe eminent personalities like ministers, MPs and MLAs and professional people like teachers and judges, who used to sleep in their seats during public functions unmindful of the situation they are in.
d) Watch TV programs telecast by the IABS when you are awake.
Well, I hope that all of you will earnestly follow what you have heard through my lecture; No doubt you will all become the best sleepers very soon. I congratulate all of you in advance, lest I may fall asleep shortly.